Some good news at least. The final bit of tension that had sat under my skin about Todd loosens. I don’t have to worry about him anymore. He’s a repulsive little worm but at least he won’t be taking his inadequacies out on other women.
I suddenly see that I’d stood up without noticing and sit down because I need all my energy to process what she’s saying. “I don’t understand why you did this. Why did you want me gone?”
Mei is silent. We never had a close relationship but don’t I deserve a reason why she hated me? I think back over our interactions. I did my best to be good to work with, eventually. I tried to be polite and friendly. Had I overstepped when I asked her for help?
Then I remember the way she shut the door when she gave me the umbrella for my date with Sam. When she saw us holding hands. Even before that, her face, watching Sam as he entered a room. I should have recognized it, because it was so close to how mine must have looked.
Dear God, it wasn’t me at all. She was in love with Sam? It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask her but I freeze. Despite what she’s done, the question is too intrusive for me to say out loud and it’s too egotistical to ask, Did you try to wreck my life because you thought I was a rival for Sam?
“What did Fangli say?” I say instead.
Her eyes fill with tears. “She said she understood but I’d have to leave.”
Makes sense. “Did she forgive you?”
Mei nods.
Of course she did, damn her generous heart. If Fangli can forgive that kind of betrayal from someone she trusted, so can I. Deep down, I’m tired. I don’t have the strength to be angry at Mei. It happened. I can’t reverse time and make her not pick up the phone. She’s going back to China and we’ll never see each other again. I want to be free of all the negative parts of this experience, and topping that list is ZZTV and all things ZZTV-adjacent.
“Thank you. For telling me.” I take a breath. “It’s fine.” It’s not, but saying I forgive you is so ponderous, like a crime boss excusing a subordinate confessing a massive cock-up.
Mei bows her head and stands, and I do as well. Now that she’s had the pleasure of unburdening her sins, I want her out of my house. I pity her but I don’t want her around me in case she adds more to my emotional dogpile.
She’s gone quickly and I collapse on the couch, walk forgotten.
It was Mei. I text Anjali.
Anjali: I’m in a meeting but is she in the games room with the dagger?
Me: nice. She told ZZTV. It was Fangli’s assistant. I think she did it because she was in love with Sam.
Anjali: That is seriously messed up. Toxic. Dudes aren’t worth that shit.
Me: Said she was sorry. Came to my house.
Anjali: Oh that takes guts. What’s your move.
Anjali: No answer?
Anjali: Radio silence cool cool. I’m up to present at this meeting and when I’m back I want to hear some Eppy-level planning
I don’t reply because I’ve pulled over my computer to look at Eppy. I highlight Call Fangli and tell her about Mom. This might have been one of my Don’t Think, Do tasks but I’ve been Think, Don’t Doing. Then I add another: Tell Sam I might have jumped to conclusions. My chest clenches at the idea that the Sam ship has sailed and my ticket lies in tatters on the pier.
Eppy is a great planner but I wish it had a module for how to approach this kind of emotional obstacle course.
I pull out my phone and my newsfeed comes on my screen before I can tap for the texting app. I want to give Fangli time to decide her response and a call puts her on the spot. “Exclusive wedding news,” the headline blares.
Fangli and Sam smile out at the camera.
I click on the story before I can help myself, and it’s what the headline promises. Actors Wei Fangli and Sam Yao will be married before the end of the year. Quotes from sources about how they’ve been in love since drama school punctuate long paragraphs about Sam’s film royalty lineage. Another photo features the two of them, except it’s me in a black dress smiling at Sam, not Fangli.
My body chills as I stare at the photo. Marriage? It makes sense, I tell myself. Lili’s interference obviously only hastened the inevitable. After all, neither of them had absolutely rejected the idea of getting married, and Sam had seemed fatalistic about his mother’s plans. Obviously they’ve known each other for a long time and Sam would do anything for Fangli and…what a mess this is. I curl up on the chair. What a fucking mess but I can’t run away from it. Despite this update about their relationship status, I need to contact them.