“No.” I sit across from her. “Obviously not. This is a secret. They made me sign an NDA.”
“It’s good you told me because at least someone will know the truth when they kill you and pretend your body is hers so she can escape for a new life in Bali.”
“That’s the plot of a movie.” It might even be one of Fangli’s.
“If they only wanted your body, then you’d probably already be dead,” she agrees. “Honestly, though, how are you going to pull this off? You’re only half-Chinese.”
I try not to wince at the “only,” which implies that half isn’t enough. It’s not that big a deal. I’m sure Anjali didn’t mean it the way it came out, and I don’t want to put her on the spot and make her feel bad. “It’s bizarre how much alike we look,” I say.
Anjali takes out her phone and runs a quick image search. “It is,” she agrees, swiping through the photos. “What are you going to do about not speaking Chinese?”
“Fangli’s going to say she wants to work on her English, which is already perfect. Thank God she has no accent because I’d be doomed.”
“Why no accent?”
“Vocal coach. Plus Sam will be there to help me in tough spots. Mostly it’s to be seen out and about.”
“Sam?”
“Sam Yao.”
She sits bolt upright on the couch, brown eyes eating up her face. “Sam Yao. Sexiest Man? Award-winning actor? Cheekbones that massage your ovaries?”
“I know all this.” I’d better watch his movies, too. Meh. I’ll read his Wikipedia/IMDb pages and call it a day. My antipathy to Sam, ovary masseuse or not, is strong.
“I can’t believe you didn’t lead with this.” Anjali downs half the wine in her glass and coughs. “You know he’s a UN goodwill ambassador for the environment.”
“Huh.” Didn’t know that but it doesn’t change my opinion of him.
Anjali leans forward. “Is he hot in real life or weird-looking?”
“Burningly hot. A raging inferno sheathed in ice and smooth muscle.” I sigh. “With dimples that come out when he smiles.”
She tsks at me. “Seriously.”
“I’m being serious. The dimples are really deep.” She looks a bit dreamy, and I feel bad for interrupting her Sam fantasy with reality. “I don’t like him.”
“Why not?”
“He’s rude. Brisk. Doesn’t like me.” I look down in the bag of chips to poke around for the biggest one.
“He’s probably worried about this incredibly stupid idea,” says the eternal optimist. “Why did he agree to it?”
“Fangli snapped him in line.” That’s right. I’m on a first-name basis with movie stars. I force back a slightly hysterical giggle before Anjali thinks I’ve totally lost it.
Her thick and perfectly groomed black eyebrows rise. “Rumors say they’re dating.”
“Maybe but they act more like good friends.” I fish out the last good chip before I’m reduced to tilting the bag up to my mouth to drink down the crumbs.
“‘Act’ is the key word. They’re actors, so how can you tell what’s real and what isn’t? In any case, be careful. A guy like that would chew you up and spit you out as bones.”
I scrunch my nose. “Graphic.”
She sighs. “Not that it wouldn’t be worth it. Try to get him my number.”
“He can barely stand to be in the same room as me.”
“You’ll handle him,” she says with misplaced confidence as she goes to the kitchen and runs the tap. After returning with two glasses of water, she sits down. “For fun, let’s go through all the things that can go wrong.”
“I’ve already been through them, multiple times.”
“Excellent, then it’ll be a nice refresher.” She lifts one finger. “We’ve talked about using your dead body as proof of Fangli’s demise to help her escape from a stifling public life.”
“That’s not going to happen.”
“Potentially far-fetched but remains possible.” She flips up a second finger. “No time to job hunt.”
“I am capable of scanning job sites for ten minutes each day while training to be a body double.”
“Number three—and this is the biggie—if this goes wrong, your privacy will be shot.” She points at her phone. “Imagine you all over ZZTV and social media, outed as an impersonator. It took you two years to try out red lipstick, for God’s sake, and you’ve even stopped doing that. You only wear two colors, black and boring. How are you going to handle worldwide attention even if it doesn’t all go to shit?”