Shit, I’ve said too much. I forgot I was hiding that. Stupid wine.
Sam puts his glass down. “He saw what?”
Time to come clean. “I called in sick the day that was taken and told him it wasn’t me but he knew it was because it looks like me. My hair, my bag.”
“Did he threaten you?”
“Not in a way that would affect Fangli.”
“You’re lying again.”
I uncross my arms. “I have a lawyer, okay? It was handled.”
“There’s more you’re not telling me.”
“Can we not talk about it? I assure you I have it under control.” This time I keep my body open and look him in the eye.
After a long beat, he sighs. “I can’t force you into talking, but between you and Fangli, I’m drowning in secrets.”
I have no answer to this because it’s true. We drink quietly, pay up—my treat since I owe him dinner, even though he protests—and leave to go back to the hotel without saying much else.
Fucking Todd spoils the party again.
***
Fangli is able to get to work the next day. She pops her head through my door to give me a hug before she leaves, and though she’s pale, her shoulders and gaze are straight. “Thank you,” she says.
“It got better for me,” I blurt out. “Once I got help. It was hard though. I felt weak, like I couldn’t handle my own problems. Talking to someone about how I felt…yeah. Hard.” Of course it was. I can barely bring myself to talk to people I like about my issues, let alone a stranger.
Her gaze flickers down. “Hard. Also easier?”
“Because you don’t feel like you’re burdening someone with your problems.”
“Yes.”
“It’s not going to happen all at once,” I say. “Slow but steady.”
“The turtle, not the hare.” She pulls her hair around her shoulder and looks at the ceiling. “That’s what the therapist said to me yesterday.”
I raise my fist high. “To turtles. Long may we prosper.”
This has her smiling—only a small lift to her mouth but I’ll take it—as she leaves, Mei muttering into her phone beside her. I’m in a better mood after talking to her. I like Fangli. Sam said she considered me a friend. I want that, although I also know she’ll be back in China soon and I have trouble enough maintaining friendships with people in my own city. I consider this. It’s also possible that our short but intense relationship, much like people get on cruises, is fooling me into seeing more than there is. I hope not. I’d like to keep her in my life.
I push all these worries away and pull out Eppy. Today is the day that I’ve decided to test it out, and I happily log all the things on my mind into the neat columns. It takes about twenty minutes for my total brain download and then another ten to check my calendar to make sure I’ve logged in all my events and appointments. I need a calendar sync feature and jot that down in the “App” column.
Then I manufacture a coffee from the pods and simply smile at my laptop. It’s there. My idea is there, in front of me. It might be dumb to be proud of creating a to-do list, but I am. This isn’t like anything else out there.
Time to start. First thing is to pull together what sets my app apart because I’m going to need money to hire a coder and launch it. I’m building the plane as I’m flying but I feel good.
By lunch, I’ve found a few problems, and after I make notes, it’s time for a walk to get the blood flowing. No one can be creative stuck at a table for hours. It’s a bright and sunny day and my steps are light as I wander around without a destination. I text Anjali, who wants to know if Sam continues to be hot and I continue to be alive.
Yes. We kissed, I reply.
Anjali: Sorry WUT and why do you always tell me this shit when I’m in a meeting OMFG was it awesome how why when.
Me: For a promo. Fangli couldn’t make it so I had to play her.
Anjali: I repeat was it awesome
I stare at the phone for a minute before I write back, Yeah.
She sends back seven eggplant emojis.
I wish Anjali was in the city to talk to but she’s off on a work trip. Stop that.
More eggplants. I need details when I’m back.
I send a thumbs-up emoji because my feelings about Sam are too complicated for me to deconstruct, let alone summarize on text. How do I try to explain kissing Sam over and over? The film crew took multiple takes and each time he moved us a bit differently, touched me a new way so that I forgot about everything in the world but him.