The two of them walked back along the corridor.
‘Carol showed me that one of the rings was on, on the cooker. And then I saw the pan – with water in it – and the bag of oatmeal open next to it.’ His chest was heaving. Suddenly, he wheeled and stared at the table. ‘Three mugs. Three bowls. Spoons. Carol found . . . she found Isla’s toy rabbit.’
Lulu had no real warning. One second, he was upset, yes, but controlled. The next, he was flinging her hand from him and running at the table and gripping its edge, hauling it up and over, overturning it so everything on it slid to the flagstones. Flowers tumbled from a vase, spilling water, and the vase shattered. Cutlery clattered.
And then he was at the worktop, snatching up a mug and hurling it to the flagstones. Shards of china hit Lulu’s legs.
‘Nick!’ She grabbed his arm. ‘Nick, stop! Nick!’
The face he turned to her was contorted in a snarl, his eyes wild. She dropped his arm and stepped back instinctively. And another face flashed into her head – Paul’s face, during that last session, suddenly unrecognisable as the anger had consumed him.
Nick dropped to his knees. ‘I’m sorry! Oh God, I’m so sorry!’ He reached for a shard of china.
‘It’s okay, it’s fine. Hey, that vase was hideous anyway!’
Nick sat back on his heels and looked up at her. ‘What happened, Lulu? What the hell happened to them?’
Lulu had found the kitchen at last. She stood with her hand on the smooth, white-painted panels of the Victorian door, calling out to her family. She knew they were in there.
‘Mum!’ she shouted. ‘Dad!’
Silence.
And she couldn’t open the door, she realised, as she passed her hand over the ridges and planes of the panels. She couldn’t open the door because there was no handle.
But she was here.
Finally, she had found the kitchen.
The next morning, she woke late and realised that Nick must have decided to let her sleep in after yet another disturbed night. She yawned and sat up, watching the sunlight streaking across the carpet through a gap in the curtains. She felt . . . not good, but not as bad as usual. Last night’s session had been a bit of a breakthrough, and she was confident that they were both ready, now, to tackle what needed to be tackled.
They had a late, leisurely breakfast at the picnic table in the rose garden, and when they had finished, Lulu asked Nick for the car keys so she could go for a drive.
He stared at her. ‘You want to get away from me? After what I did last night . . . Oh God, Lu, are you frightened of me?’
‘Of course not!’ She had been frightened, but for him, not of him. ‘I just want to go for a drive.’
‘I’ll come with you.’
She reached across the table and took his hand. ‘No. I’m going to go for a drive, and then park up somewhere and call Karla.’ She looked at her watch. ‘It’s eight in the evening in Sydney, so now will be a good time for her.’
‘You’re going to tell her what I did?’
‘Yes, I’ll discuss last night’s session. But it’s completely confidential. Like docs having a confab about a patient. And – well, I’m not going to tell her it’s you, because what we’re doing . . . it’s kind of frowned upon to treat your own family.’ If she told Nick it was actually breaking the rules, he would probably refuse to continue. The last thing he’d want would be to get her in trouble. ‘And listen, last night, it’s nothing to worry about. These feelings coming to the surface – it’s all good.’
‘Oh yes, it’s great.’
‘Really, it’s all part of the process. It’s a good sign. It’s progress.’ She stood. ‘Can I have the car keys?’
‘I don’t want you going out in the car on your own.’
‘Why on earth not?’
‘You’re not used to driving on these country roads. I am. I’ve been driving on them since I was thirteen. Michael used to let me take his tractor from one field to the next. Illegally, of course.’ He shook his head with a reminiscent smile. ‘And that kind of thing still goes on. You come round a corner to find some kid bowling along in a tractor. If you’re not used to it –’
‘I grew up in the outback! Of course I’m used to country roads!’
‘But not single-track ones like these. They can be pretty dangerous, Lu. I wouldn’t have a minute’s peace all the time you were out.’