I roll over and feel the dull ache deep inside, and I wince.
Oh man . . . my body is wrecked.
Jameson Miles fucked me all night long. Hard and every which way, and today I’m going to pay for it. I turn toward him. He’s lying on his side, perched on his elbow, watching me. “Hi.” I smile softly, embarrassed by what he must have seen.
“Hi.” He leans in and kisses me before taking me in his arms and holding me tight.
“I’m sore,” I whisper.
“That makes two of us.” He smirks.
I close my eyes against his chest, and we lie in peaceful bliss for another half hour, dozing.
I get up to go to the bathroom and notice the trash can full of condoms . . . hmm, he wore condoms all night. I didn’t notice at the time.
I get back into bed beside him and snuggle back against his chest. “Why did you wear condoms last night?”
I feel his body stiffen beneath me, and I instantly know it was purposeful. He stays silent.
“Jim?” I frown as I sit up.
“Don’t.” He goes to pull me back down onto his chest. “Let’s just have a nice morning together.”
I stare at him. “Why would you wear condoms when I know how much you hate them?”
He exhales heavily as if annoyed and gets out of bed. “I don’t want any accidents.”
“What?”
He exhales heavily as if frustrated.
I sit up. “You think I would trap you by getting pregnant?”
He rolls his eyes.
“What the hell?” I snap as I jump out of bed. “Are you serious?”
“We’re not together, Emily. I would have to be a fucking idiot to not take precautions.”
My face falls. “What was last night?”
His eyes hold mine. “It was goodbye.”
“What?” I can feel the tears of shock welling in my eyes.
“Don’t be upset,” he stammers.
“Don’t be upset?” I cry as I begin to lose control. “You summoned me here to meet you with absolutely no intention of us getting back together?”
He stares at me.
“Is that true?” I yell.
“I’m not the man for you, Emily,” he replies calmly, and I know that this is a practiced speech.
I frown as the walls begin to close in around me. “What?” I whisper.
“You’re in love with Jim.”
I angrily swipe the tears as they roll down my cheeks.
“I’m Jameson. Jim doesn’t exist, Emily. He’s a figment of your imagination, the man you want me to be.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I cry.
“You’re better off without me.”
“If this is about Jake—” I stammer.
“This isn’t about Jake, although I’m fucking furious with you for lying to me.”
“I swear to you that nothing happened,” I cry.
“I know it didn’t.”
“Then why?” I whisper. “I don’t understand. We belong together, Jay.”
“I can’t.” He closes his eyes and pauses for a moment as if steeling himself to push the words past his lips. “I don’t want marriage and babies. I don’t want the same things as you. I’m not cut out to do normal, Emily. I’m married to my job. It will never change. I’ve thought long and hard about this.”
I step back from him as horror dawns. I can hear my own heartbeat in the silence.
“I will always love you,” he whispers.
I stare at him through tears . . . what the fuck is happening right now?
He brushes past me and goes into the bathroom, and the door closes. I stare at a piece of carpet on the floor, shocked to my core. After the beautiful night we had together . . . this is how he treats me?
He reappears fully dressed, and his eyes find mine. “Can I give you a lift somewhere?”
“If you walk out that door now, we are over forever,” I whisper.
His eyes hold mine. “I know.” He steps forward and kisses me softly as he cups my face in his hands. Our faces screw up against each other’s. “This is for the best; another man can make you happier.”
I step back, furious. “Don’t you dare throw that shit at me.”
“Do you want a lift or not?”
“Go to hell,” I spit.
His haunted eyes hold mine. “I’m already there.” He turns and walks out the door. It clicks quietly behind him.
I sob out loud into the silence as I hold my poor heart.
Chapter 23