I always wake up at that point, just as I’m being pulled under. Sometimes I think I can still hear the sound of the rocks singing even though I know I’m now awake – it turns out to be the song of the muezzin calling the faithful to early prayers.
Whenever I have that dream, it takes a while for my heart to stop pounding and for the panic to subside. I remind myself that I’m in my bedroom, not a cave, and that Papa, Maman and Annette are safely asleep in their own beds downstairs. Then, if it’s still dark, I light the pierced tin candle lantern that sits beside my bed and I lie watching the stars flicker on the walls of my room. As day breaks, the stars and the darkness fade away and the candle burns itself out. But even when the morning arrives, I’m left with the residue of all those awful feelings inside me.
It’s no wonder I’m so tired. And I still keep biting my fingernails, despite my New Year’s resolution.
Now that I’ve written down my dream, I’m going to try to think about nicer things instead, like how it’s going to be my birthday in 12 days’ time, on the 11th of June, and I will be turning 13. There’s something quite satisfying about those numbers, although I’m not sure how much I’m looking forward to becoming a teenager. Annette isn’t exactly a great example of what it’s like. I hope I don’t start being as silly as she is. Nina is 2 months and 3 days younger than me and she agrees. She’s going to come to my party and Kenza has promised to make me a special birthday cake, with amlou for the filling because she knows how much Nina and I love that paste, which is made of almonds, argan oil and honey. It’s going to be very delicious!
Josie’s Journal – Wednesday 11th June, 1941
My 13th birthday has been a very good one, in spite of my concerns about officially becoming a teenager on top of all the other worries lurking in the background.
For breakfast we had my favourite Moroccan doughnuts called sfenj with bowls of chocolat chaud, which is about the closest you can get to heaven on earth in my opinion. Then Annette passed me a little box and in it was a pretty pearl on a gold chain. ‘You may be my annoying little sister, but you are also a bit of a pearl yourself sometimes,’ she said as I hugged her. ‘I thought you might like to wear it now that you can’t wear the star one these days.’ I was quite surprised that she’d thought about that, since usually her head is too full to fit in many thoughts other than her own concerns: of Olivier and where to find a new powder compact, or whatever the next thing is that she urgently needs to perfect her latest look. She helped me fasten it round my neck straight away and I like it very much. It’s sort of like the ocean has given me back a token in exchange for the words I gave it.
Papa and Maman then also passed me a little box. I have to admit, ungrateful as I know it seems, that a tiny bit of me thought, ‘Oh no, not more jewellery.’ It is possible to have too much of a good thing. But they were both smiling at me in anticipation, so I smiled back and opened the lid. To my surprise, there wasn’t anything inside the box except for a little folded-up slip of blue writing paper. On it was written: Dear Josie, your present is far too big to fit in here. Go and look in the courtyard. Happy birthday, love from Maman and Papa xx
I ran downstairs and there beside the pomegranate tree stood a very fine bicycle with a basket on the handlebars, decorated with a bright red bow. My very own Steel Steed! Then I really did smile because that was the best present imaginable, even better than jewellery.
I hugged everyone and Papa helped me have a little practice to make sure I could still remember how to ride a bike from Paris days. After a few wobbles, I felt confident enough to try it out on the pavement of the Boulevard des Oiseaux and then Papa said I was good enough to ride it on the streets as long as I was very careful and didn’t go on the main roads. There’s not much traffic these days anyway because gasoline is in such short supply and pretty much everyone cycles or walks.
Nina was very excited to see the bike. She and Kenza gave me a pair of leather slippers, which I’d admired in the medina on one of the occasions when we went to their house. I put them on straight away and then gave Nina a ride on the back of the new bike. We’ll be able to use it for going to the library and can put our books in the basket.
I still had to have my lesson with Miss Ellis in the afternoon because Maman said birthday or no birthday everyone has to be educated. But we just did some reading （no maths, for a birthday treat） and then Miss Ellis presented me with a gift too. It’s a large book called a thesaurus and it is full of interesting suggestions for alternative, different, unconventional, unorthodox, out of the ordinary, substitute vocabulary. As you can see, I’m already putting it to good use.