“I’m worried. I hate the idea that you’re miles away in a house with a man we know nothing about.”
“I know how hard this is, Gabriel, but please try not to worry. There are pictures of me everywhere. I look like I was happy. And he’s been nothing but kind. I’m really not in any danger. We have to give this some time.”
I hear him sigh. “Just stay in touch. I need to know you’re okay.”
“Of course I will.”
“I miss you, Addy. I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too.”
I hear the chime of the front door opening. “I have to go, love you.” I click off just as Julian comes into the kitchen.
He smiles when he sees me. “Cassandra.”
I stiffen, still not used to being called by that name, but force myself to smile back. I suppose I’ll have to start getting used to it. “How’s your patient?”
“Doing better, thanks. What have you been up to?”
I shrug. “Just looking around and getting my bearings. I didn’t see a wedding album, but I noticed the photo in the living room. Are there other pictures? Did we take any that were more formal?”
He hesitates a moment. “Well, um . . . I had to get rid of the wedding album. The photo over the fireplace is the only one you liked.”
“Why?”
He points to a chair. “Let’s sit, Cassandra. You’ve always been more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. You tend to be very critical of your looks.”
“What do you mean?”
“You didn’t like the way you looked in pictures. You would say you looked ugly or fat. After a while you started throwing pictures away, even defacing some.”
I feel my insides curl. The woman he’s describing sounds insane.
“Defacing?”
“Putting an X on your face.”
What the hell? “So there is no wedding album? No other photos?”
He stands up and goes upstairs, returning a few minutes later. He hands me a framed eleven-by-thirteen photo of the two of us standing together, his arm around me. “This was the only one I got to in time. I had it framed and hid it. I’ve had it on my dresser since you’ve been gone.” He hands it to me as he sits down beside me.
I look at the photo again, zeroing in on the pearl necklace. I remember that necklace. My mother’s. It was the only thing I had left of hers. My hand goes to my neck.
“The pearls. My mother’s?”
He gives me an encouraging smile. “Yes. You’re remembering.”
I don’t have a visual memory, but now, looking at the pearls, I remember that I wore my mother’s pearls to my wedding. I look at him. “The psychiatrists told me that if I could find my way back home, being in familiar surroundings might help me remember. I thought they were just giving me false hope, but maybe they were right.”
Feeling the excitement build in me, I screw up the courage to ask him the one question I still desperately need an answer to. “Julian, why did I try to kill myself?”
He sighs. “Are you sure you want to get into that right now? Maybe try to acclimate to everything first?”
I shake my head. “I need to know.”
He crosses one leg over the other and presses his lips together. “You’ve had your ups and downs over the years. As I told you, when we met, you were in therapy. You were in an abusive marriage.”
I look at him in astonishment. “What? I was married before?”
??35??
Addison
Julian’s expression is somber. “Yes, you were married for five years. Your husband was not a good man, Cassandra. He was mentally and physically abusive.” He gives me a long look, and I see pity in his eyes. “It happens sometimes. You’d been abused in foster care, and it was what you knew. But you got better. By the time you and I got married, you had put all of that behind you and wanted to start fresh.”
A feeling of panic washes over me. I’m not sure I really want to know all the answers just yet. I press on anyway. “Where is my ex-husband?” I suddenly wonder if this ex-husband had something to do with my memory loss. Maybe he came after me.
He waves a hand. “He left town years ago, thankfully. I have no idea where he is now, but I’m just grateful he got out of your life and left you alone.”
I had a husband before Julian? It seems impossible, as if I’m listening to a story of someone else’s life. Is my ex-husband the violent faceless person who comes into my mind in flashes that feel like a vicious invasion?