She’s standing at the door to my home office, looking disheveled again.
“Of course.”
She comes in and takes a chair across from my desk, but doesn’t say anything for a moment. Instead she looks down at her lap, her hand twisting the cord of the pullover she’s wearing. When she lifts her gaze to meet mine, I see that her eyes are red-rimmed from crying. “I wanted to wait until Valentina was asleep. I appreciate your patience with my recovery.” She looks at her wrists. “Now that I’m off most of the medicine, I do feel well enough to go back to work. I know you keep saying it could stress me out and send me back into a depression, but being trapped in this house is not good for me. I know it didn’t work out with the library job, but there’s got to be something I can do.”
I smile at her. “You’re absolutely right.”
She gives me a surprised look. “Really?”
I nod. “Yes, I was thinking about it too. You are much better, and I have been a bit overprotective. What kind of work do you think you’d like to do?”
She shrugs. “That’s just it. I don’t know.”
I’m not surprised. She has no idea that she has a bachelor’s degree or that she used to restore photos at a museum. The story she knows of herself is one of a woman constantly on the brink of a breakdown. She thinks she’s never had a job since we’ve been married, and that I’ve stood by her through depression, delusions, and her attempted suicide.
“Well, before we were married you were working at a department store, trying to get on your feet after being released from foster care,” I tell her. “You liked it enough, but I think we need to figure out what your interests are and then go from there.”
She gives me a helpless look. “I do love children. Maybe I could get a job at Valentina’s school.”
I think. The old Cassandra doesn’t have a bachelor’s degree and I’m not sure what position she’d be able to obtain with only a high school diploma. Maybe the answer is not getting her a job, but having her go back to school. In fact, she could do online courses from home, solving both our problems at once.
“Do you mean a teaching job?”
“Maybe.”
Annoyance fills me. “You need a degree for that. And besides, you weren’t interested in homeschooling your own child. Why would you want to teach other children?”
“It’s not the same thing, Julian.”
I sigh. “Why don’t we look into some of the local universities and see if you could work toward your bachelor’s degree?”
She seems appeased. “I like that idea.”
“It’s settled, then. We’ll look into it first thing on Monday. It’ll be a lot of work, but I’ll help to pick up the slack at home.”
“Thank you, Julian,” she says, throwing her arms around me. “I’m excited.”
I return her embrace. “Great, let’s go celebrate.”
We go to the bedroom, and I shut and lock the door. As we slide under the covers, she presses her body against mine, kissing me deeply. “I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you too,” I answer, and lose myself in her while we make love. Afterward, I gaze at her while she dozes. Maybe we won’t have to move after all. We’ll get her enrolled in some online courses, and I’ll ramp up the hypnosis to make her believe she’s an agoraphobic. The wonderful thing about today’s technology is that her world can be confined to the four walls of this house.
??59??
Julian
I have the house to myself overnight for the first time that I can remember, and have decided to open the Odette Estate Reserve in honor of the special occasion. Valentina and her mother are at a group sleepover for kindergarten children and their parents at the New England Aquarium. Cassandra insisted upon going, but our hypnosis will begin again tomorrow, and soon she’ll be too afraid to leave the house at all. I’m confident I’ll be able to make her believe that the only safe place for her is within these walls. Why not let her have one last outing with Valentina?
“Hello, my darling,” I tell the real Cassandra as soon as I enter the secret room, wine bottle and glasses in hand. “We have the whole night to ourselves.” I pour my wine and take a sip, and then put hers down on the table. I tell her all about Valentina’s latest exploits. How well she is doing in kindergarten, and how much she reminds me of her mother. “I miss you so much. The last two years without you have felt like an eternity.” I lean back and take another sip, thinking of all the nights the two of us would sit together and talk about our day. “You won’t believe it,” I tell her, “but Valentina has asked for horseback riding lessons. Her best friend rides, and she’s now insistent that she try it. At first I said no, after all, it’s dangerous, but then I thought of how much you used to talk about wanting to ride. You never had the chance, so I think I will make sure our daughter does.” I don’t mention that the new Cassandra has reservations about it. I don’t think she’d appreciate hearing about her replacement. Suddenly I feel gloomy. It shouldn’t be this way. She should still be with me, watching our daughter grow up together. Despite having told her a hundred times, I find myself apologizing once again. “You don’t know how much I regret losing my temper. If only you’d been willing to listen to me, to calm down. We could have worked this all out. I would never have had to replace you.” As I pour myself another glass of wine, I close my eyes, remembering the last time I saw her.