“What, like cancer? Or, what’s that disease that Jewish people get?”
“Tay-Sachs,” Eli said, tight-lipped. He and Sarah had both been tested, he remembered, before Dexter had been conceived.
“But that’s not what you’re really worried about, is it?” Ari’s grin grew feral. “What are you thinking? That this kid is, what? Related to Ruby? Related to us?” His smile got wider, turning even more greasy and sly. “Related to you, my good brother?”
Eli forced his fingers not to drum and his knee not to bob up and down. He met Ari’s gaze steadily. “Annette and I had broken up,” he lied, “and I hadn’t met Sarah yet. But yes, I, uh, think that I knew Gabe’s mother.”
“Knew biblically,” Ari amplified. He had the nerve to look pleased with himself, instead of being sympathetic. “No condom?”
Eli kept his eyes on the table. “It happened very fast,” he muttered at the Formica.
“I’m not surprised,” Ari murmured. Eli ignored him.
“She told me she was getting an abortion,” Eli said.
“Yeah, they usually do,” Ari said. “You gave her money?”
Eli nodded. Ari shook his head in fake commiseration.
“Okay, so she scammed you. But you were free and single. Just tell the kid you were going through a ho phase, ask him for a swab, and you’re done.”
“Have you done this before?”
Ari smirked. “No comment.”
Eli shook his head. “I can’t. What if he tells Ruby? Or Sarah? Can you imagine how awkward that would be?”
“How’s it going to be less awkward if I’m the one asking?” Ari inquired. Eli didn’t answer. He just waited for his brother to figure it out. Eventually, Ari did.
“Oh. I get it. He’s supposed to think that I’m the one who banged his mom.” He raised his eyebrows. “Is she at least hot? Because I have my reputation to think of.”
“She’s very pretty,” Eli muttered. “But he doesn’t even need to think that either of us were, uh, involved with his mother. He doesn’t have to know about this at all.” He reached into his pocket and showed his brother a copy of the key to Ruby and Gabe’s apartment. Sarah, God bless her, had insisted that Ruby give them an extra key in case of emergency.
Ari, still smirking, stirred his coffee slowly and said nothing. Eli looked into his brother’s eyes. “Ari, I’ve never asked you for anything,” he said, and hoped Ari heard what he wasn’t saying: And you’ve asked me for plenty. “If you could do this one thing, I’d appreciate it. You can think of it as your wedding gift.” A mean, petty part of him couldn’t help but add, “That way you won’t have to buy them anything.”
He saw the hurt move across Ari’s handsome face, quickly replaced by a mask of indifference. Eli felt the shameful stab of a memory: he and Ari, as little boys, playing in the park on a cold, wintry afternoon, while their parents fought in the car. Let’s pretend we’re Lost Boys, Eli had said, urging Ari away from the sound of their father shouting and their mother crying, because their dad had cheated on her again. Let’s pretend we have to get away from Captain Hook. Once, he’d been proud to be his brother’s protector. When had it turned into this detestable chore?
“Sure thing. You got it,” Ari said, his face expressionless. “One DNA test, coming right up.” He held out his hand. “Just give me the key.”
Eli handed over the key, plus the swabs and collection kit he’d ordered online and the envelope to mail it, and texted his brother the pertinent details.
“Do you know when Gabe’s out of the house?” Ari asked.
“Friday nights,” Eli said. “They’ll be at our place for Shabbat dinner.”
“Guess I’m not invited,” Ari said in a low voice before sliding out of the booth and off into the night.
Eli tried to be optimistic. Maybe this would work. Maybe the whole thing would go smoothly.
He shouldn’t have been surprised when it didn’t.
“Yeah, you’re all set,” Ari said, after four days had elapsed, and Eli broke down and called him.
“Great. That’s great. I’m really grateful.”
“Three ‘greats’ in one sentence,” Ari observed. “I guess you are.”
“Tell me where I can meet you, and I’ll pick it up.”
There was a pause. Eli’s heart sank. “Well. I’ve been thinking,” Ari said. “There’s a few things I want to discuss.”