“Thank you. Take care, Gabriel.”
? ? ?
I’d stared out the window for so long that the motion-sensor light in my office flicked off. Though I didn’t notice until Maggie screeched.
“Shit!” She held her hand over her heart when the lights turned back on. “I didn’t think you were in here because it was dark. I just came to leave these samples on your desk.”
“Sorry.”
She zoned in on my face. “What’s the matter? Was your trip not good? When we texted over the weekend, it sounded like you were having a great time.”
“No, my trip was fine.”
“Is something wrong here at work?”
I shook my head. “Gabriel’s here.”
Maggie’s eyes widened. “Here, as in New York?”
I nodded.
“Have you seen him?”
“He was in my apartment last night when I got home. Waiting for me. Max was with me.”
Her jaw dropped. “Do you need help burying the body Max murdered?”
I shook my head. “I thought it might be touch and go for a moment there. I could feel the anger radiating from Max. But he was the man he’s been from the start—thoughtful and considerate. We talked in private. I didn’t want to ask Max to leave with Gabriel in my apartment, so I had them both leave, and I met Gabriel at a restaurant for lunch today.”
“Why didn’t you call me?”
“You were in a meeting when I came in, and I wasn’t even sure why he was here.”
“Well, what did he want?”
“He wants to close our open relationship.”
Maggie rolled her eyes. “Of course he does. Because open relationship meant other women opened their legs for him, but you kept yours closed.”
I sighed. “Of course that’s the reason for his change of heart. But the choices Gabriel has made lately… Even if I want them to, they don’t erase what we had together when things were good. He’s hurt me, there’s no doubt about that, but I was in love with him, Mags. I’d decided he was it for me.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I said I needed some time. Gabriel and I have a long history. And most of that was good. I care about him.”
“I know you do.”
I shook my head. “But then there’s Max, who I’m crazy about. I don’t know what it is about him, but he makes me want to live more. Like I want to go to the park and have sex while looking at five-million-dollar houses in the Hollywood Hills with the realtor waiting outside, and hide away in a hotel giving myself a time-out from the world. He makes me feel alive.”
“Umm…can we go back to the sex with the realtor waiting outside?”
I smiled sadly. “But Max is temporary. He’s leaving at the end of the summer. I suppose long-distance relationships are hard, not impossible, but he only signed on for what we have.”
“If Max was not leaving and wanted an exclusive relationship with you, what would you do?”
How could I be sure about anything at this point? I needed time to think. I dropped my head to my hands. “Oh, God. I can’t even figure out what to do with Gabriel. You can’t ask me that.”
Maggie laughed. “Sorry. I thought I was helping.”
“I feel like the decision with Gabriel shouldn’t be dependent on Max. I either want to be with Gabriel or I don’t. Like, if I went to Max and asked him if he wanted to try a long-distance relationship and he said no. And then I went back to Gabriel and said yes, let’s get back together, I’d only be staying with Gabriel because Max wasn’t an option. I should want to be with the person I love regardless of what opportunities I might have out there, you know?”
Maggie nodded. “It makes a lot of sense… But let’s keep playing this out. What if you decide you don’t want to be with Gabriel because you have feelings for Max, without knowing what Max wants. So you break things off with him, only to find out Max doesn’t want to keep things going after he leaves. Then where does that leave you?”
I took a deep breath. “Obviously that would suck. But if I was willing to end things with Gabriel to take that chance, my relationship with him was doomed anyway.”
“Is it an all-or-nothing with Gabriel? Is he giving you an ultimatum—stop seeing other people or it’s over?”
I shrugged. “I didn’t ask that question. But I guess if I don’t want to go back to being exclusive and he breaks it off completely, it is what it is.”