After swinging by the hospital on the way home, staying with Mamie for a bit, and getting Annie into bed, I sit in the kitchen with Alain, sipping decaf coffee and explaining what we learned from Elida and her grandmother.
“Besa,” he says softly. “What a beautiful concept. The obligation to help our fellow man.” He stirs his coffee slowly and takes a sip. “So you will go tomorrow to New York? Alone?”
I nod. Then, feeling foolish, I add quickly, “I was thinking about seeing if Gavin would want to come with me. Just since he helped us out a lot at the beginning of this search, you know?”
Alain smiles. “It is a wise idea.” He pauses, then adds, “You know, there is nothing wrong with falling in love with Gavin, Hope.”
I’m so startled by his bluntness that I choke on the sip of coffee I’ve just taken. “I’m not in love with Gavin,” I protest through coughs.
“Of course you are,” Alain says. “And he is in love with you.”
I laugh at that, but my cheeks are hot and my palms suddenly sweaty. “That’s crazy!”
“Why is it so crazy?” Alain asks.
I shake my head. “Well, for one thing, we have nothing in common.”
Alain laughs. “You have many things in common. I see the way the two of you talk with each other. The way he makes you laugh. The way that you can talk about anything.”
“That’s just because he’s a nice guy,” I mumble.
Alain folds his hands over mine. “He cares about what happens to you. And whether you admit it or not, you care about what happens to him too.”
“Those still aren’t things we have in common,” I reply stubbornly.
“He cares about Annie,” Alain adds softly. “You cannot tell me you do not have that in common.”
I pause before nodding. “Yeah,” I admit. “He does care about Annie.”
“That is not something that comes along every day,” Alain says. “Think about how he helped her when we were in Paris and Rose was brought to the hospital. He was there for her. And he was there for you.”
I nod again. “I know. He’s a good guy.”
“He is more than that,” Alain says. “Tell me, why do you not believe in this?”
I shrug and look down. “He’s seven years younger than I am, for one thing,” I mumble.
Alain laughs. “Your grandmother married a Christian man, although she is a Jew. And you just came from the home of a woman who is happily married to a Christian Jew, although she is Muslim. If something as important as religious differences can be surmounted, do you really think seven years make a difference?”
I shrug again. “Fine. But I also have a child.”
Alain just looks at me. “Of course. But I do not understand why this is an excuse for you.”
“Well, for one thing, he’s only twenty-nine. I can’t ask him to take on the responsibility of a teenage kid.”
“It seems to me that you have not asked him,” Alain says, “and yet he is already here, taking on the responsibility. Is that not his decision to make?”
I hang my head. “But my mother always put men first, you know? I always felt like I didn’t matter to her as much as they did. Her life revolved around whomever she was dating at the time. I promised myself I would never, ever make my child feel that way.”
“You are not your mother,” Alain says after a moment.
“But what if I turn into her?” I ask in a small voice. “What if now that I’m divorced, that’s exactly what I do? I can’t let myself go down that road. Annie has to come first, no matter what.”
“Letting someone else in does not mean leaving Annie out,” Alain says carefully.
I can feel tears rolling down my cheeks and am surprised to realize I’ve started crying. “But what if he hurts me?” I blurt out. “What if I let him into my life, and he breaks my heart? What if he hurts Annie? She’s been through so much with her dad; I don’t think I could bear it if I hurt her too.”
Alain pats my hand. “It is true, that is a risk you take,” he says. “But life is about taking risks. How can you live, otherwise?”
“But I’m happy enough now,” I tell him. “Maybe that’s enough. How do you know Gavin won’t change all that?”
“I don’t,” Alain says. “But there is only one way to find out.” Alain stands and grabs my cell phone from the counter, where it’s charging. “Call him. Ask him to go with you tomorrow. You do not need to make any decisions right away. But open the door, Hope. Open the door to let him in.”