“What have I said?” he asks, holding up his hands in mock surrender.
“Well, for one thing, you’ve apparently told her that I was never capable of telling you I loved you.” I feel my throat close up a little, and I take a deep breath.
Rob just looks at me. “You can’t be serious.”
“That’s a stupid thing to say to her. I told you I loved you.”
“Yeah, Hope, what, once a year?”
I look away, not wanting to have this conversation again. “What are you, an insecure teenage girl?” I mumble. “Did you want me to get you a BFF necklace too?”
He doesn’t look amused. “I just don’t want our daughter blaming me for our divorce.”
“So the divorce had nothing to do with the affair you had with the girl from the Macy’s in Hyannis?”
Rob shrugs. “If I’d felt emotionally fulfilled at home . . .”
“Ah, so you were seeking emotional fulfillment when you began sleeping with a twenty-two-year-old,” I say. I take a deep breath. “You know, I’ve never felt that it’s appropriate to tell Annie about your affair. That’s between you and me. She doesn’t know that you cheated, because I don’t think she should have to see her father in that light.”
“What makes you think she doesn’t know?” he asks, and for a moment, I’m stunned into silence.
“You’re saying she knows?”
“I’m saying that I try to be honest with her. I’m her dad, Hope. That’s my job.”
I stop for a minute and process what he’s saying to me. I’d thought I was protecting her—and her relationship with her father—by not dragging her into it.
“What did you say to her?” I ask.
He shrugs. “She’s asked about the divorce. I’ve answered her questions.”
“By blaming it on me.”
“By explaining that not everything is as simple as it appears on the surface.”
“Meaning what? That I drove you to cheat?”
He shrugs again. “Your words, not mine.”
I clench my fists. “This is between you and me, Rob,” I say, my voice shaking. “Don’t drag Annie into it.”
“Hope,” he says, “I’m just trying to do what’s best for Annie. I have some real concerns that she’s going to turn out like you and your mother.”
The words physically hurt. “Rob . . .” I begin. But no other words come.
He shrugs after a moment. “We’ve had this conversation a thousand times. You know how I feel. I know how you feel. That’s why we’re divorced, remember?”
I don’t acknowledge his words. What I want to say is that the reason we’re divorced is he got bored. He got insecure. He got emotionally needy. He got flirted with by a stupid twenty-two-year-old with legs up to her neck.
But I know there’s a grain of truth to what he’s saying. The more I felt him slipping away, the more I retreated into myself instead of hanging on. I swallow back the guilt.
“No makeup,” I say firmly. “Not at school. It’s inappropriate. And so is sharing the details of our divorce with her. That’s too much for a twelve-year-old.”
Rob opens his mouth to reply, but I hold up my hand. “I’m done here, Rob,” I say, and this time, I really am. We look at each other in silence for a minute, and I wonder whether he’s thinking, as I am, about how we don’t even know each other anymore. It seems a lifetime ago that I promised him forever. “This isn’t about me and you,” I say. “It’s about Annie.”
I walk away before he can reply.
I’m driving home when my cell phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see Annie’s cell number, the one she’s supposed to use only in emergencies, even though I’m fairly sure Rob lets her text and call her friends with abandon. That is, after all, what cool parents do. Something in my stomach tightens.
“Why aren’t you at work?” Annie asks when I pick up. “I called you there first.”
“I had to go”—I search for an explanation that doesn’t involve her father—“run some errands.”
“At four on a Thursday?” she asks. The truth is, the bakery had been slow all day, and I hadn’t had a customer since one o’clock, which left me plenty of time to think about Rob, Annie, and all the damage that was being done while I stood idly by, baking my way into oblivion. I knew Annie was planning to see Mamie after school, which meant I’d get Rob alone.