“You want young.” I’m not disappointed. I have no expectation that Killian is different from any other male.
“That’s part of it. I won’t lie.” He rolls to his side, folding a pillow and sticking it behind his head. “But I always wanted my female. The one who was mine, you know? Only mine.”
He reaches out and flicks the tip of my braid. It’s an unraveling, tangled mess. I don’t know how the band is still there.
“Is that why you hook up with all the—everybody?” Not me, though. He never looked at me twice.
He shrugs. “They offer. I don’t always turn it down. Didn’t see the harm.”
He’s only being honest. I have no right to feel hurt. His love life or whatever you want to call it is not my concern.
I distract myself by smoothing my skirt. I liked the texture when I put it on. Corduroy is cozy. But now, the fabric is annoying. Too swishy when it rubs.
“The other females upset you,” he says.
“It’s not my business.”
“It is. I’m your mate.”
“Well, it’s not like I can do anything about it.”
“That’s over now. You know that, right? You’re it.”
“I’m not asking you to, um, stop, uh—” I don’t know why my face is on fire. He can’t see me. And we’re both adults. We have pasts. It’s normal.
“You don’t have to ask. I’m telling you. You don’t have to worry. Even if you never let me in, Una, I’m not gonna disrespect you. I’m in.”
My mouth opens, but I forget what I was going to say.
He props his head on his hand. “You don’t understand. I’ve waited, Una.”
Bull crap. I’ve seen Haisley hanging on him, her hand shuttling back and forth under the water in the lake after a midnight run. And I’ve seen Rowan saunter out of the sauna, wiping her mouth, and Killian coming out a minute later, tugging up his shorts. He hasn’t waited for anything.
“You don’t believe me,” he says.
“I don’t understand what you mean. Waited for what?”
He exhales. “I don’t know if it even makes a difference. I mean, I didn’t touch a female for a long time. I figured my mate would come, right? After I put the pack to rights. So, I won some fights. Trained up Ivo and Tye so we’ve got enough money coming in to keep the kitchen stocked for the winter. And I figured now I’ll get my mate.”
He laughs, short and bitter. “Didn’t happen. Then when I shut down that shit that went on in the lodge basement. And behind the commissary. I figured now it’ll happen for me.”
He looks over. It’s dark, but I can make out his eyes. They gleam pale blue. “After a while, I figured I had no mate. The crone said ‘your path follows a different way.’ What the hell does that mean?”
I don’t know. Abertha speaks in riddles. And when she’s drunk, puns.
“I told myself if it’s just a mouth or a hand, it doesn’t count, you know? I’m not shutting the door. If my mate shows up from North Border or something, it’ll all be good.”
Is he saying he’s never had sex? Like the penis in vagina kind? It’s a good thing it’s pitch black. My jaw just dropped.
This cabin smelled like a lot of fluids, but I guess that makes sense if he’s been doing everything but. Messier out than in.
Holy crap. He’s twenty-nine. I’ve had more sex than him. Two hundred percent more. The alpha is a virgin. Kind of.
My mind is boggled.
How does the whole pack not know?
But then again, Haisley and Rowan and Tierney and all of them get a nice bump in rank when everyone thinks they’re banging the alpha. That’s a lot of incentive to let folks think what they will. I guess none of the females are gonna lose status by admitting they only got to third base. If that’s the blowjob base. I don’t know that much about human sports.
Is it a big secret among them or do they all think the others are doing the deed, and they’re the only one on “B-roster” so to speak?
This is wild. And also, how do I feel about it?
I don’t know.
What I do feel—I probably shouldn’t.
I’m a little, tiny bit, and very regretfully, pleased as punch. Or is it my wolf?
He waited for us. A little. He’s never been inside another female. Well, another female’s pussy. That shouldn’t matter. I’m not more or less valuable since I’ve experimented. And if he thought I was, I’d drop him like a hot potato. That’s bullshit.