But one day hadn’t come.
‘I speak to my grandmother, and she say, Frédérique, you must follow your ’eart. She iz the one! And she give me ’er ring and say, do not let ’er go,’ Frédérique said. ‘And so I must ask you, my beautiful Lily, whether you will put this on your finger and agree to a marriage with me. Because love, when you know, you just know. Oui?’
‘But Frédérique,’ she started, but he held a finger up to silence her.
‘My love, you are alone. And it make me triste – sad – each day to think of you like this. You want to make life la France, you want to ’ave much happiness, I think? Let me ’elp. Let me be someone by your side. Someone oo never to let you down, or leave you, or let you go from me alone. You deserve a personne – a man – oo love you enough. Oo love you like you deserve to be love.’
Lily felt tears suddenly pool in her eyes.
‘Mon coeur, all you do to me is to say oui, and I am yours. And you will never ’ave to be alone again.’
She looked at his face – so handsome and earnest. The ring – so beautiful, and gifted by his grandmother. He was over the top, sure. But maybe after years of half-heartedness, she deserved a little romance?
And he was right. Despite everything. Despite the friends she had already gathered around her. Despite the fact that England was only a short flight away and she had so many ways of staying in touch with people, she often felt completely and utterly alone.
36
Lily looked at Frédérique’s handsome face, his beautiful eyes that crinkled when he smiled. She looked at the expectant faces surrounding them. It was in so many ways the perfect moment. Here in a house she loved, in a country she was coming to know. She could gather up her very own Russell Crowe (circa 2006), her Max Skinner, and she’d be living a long-held dream. Of living a different kind of life; of being loved.
It would be so, so easy to say yes.
She steeled herself for what might come next.
‘I’m sorry, Frédérique,’ she said, her voice picked up on the microphone in his hand. ‘I’m so sorry, but I can’t.’
‘But…’
‘Let me explain,’ she said, feeling her heart lurch when she saw his eyes begin to glisten. ‘It’s not you, it really isn’t. You’ve been… Well, wonderful. And kind. And you’ve done everything you thought I wanted. It’s amazing. To be wanted, to be loved that much. I would love to be able to say yes.’
She knelt down opposite him. ‘But I can’t. And it’s because I’m in love with someone else.’ She brushed a little strand of hair from his forehead. ‘I shouldn’t have come on a date with you in the first place,’ she said. ‘But I was angry, angry with him. And for a while the anger made me feel that I didn’t love him. But I do. I know now that I still do.’
‘Your ’usband?’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I still love Ben. And it’s wretched because I know that he doesn’t love me any more. That he doesn’t want me enough. He’s back in England and—’ her voice was suddenly thick with tears ‘—I don’t even know if he’s OK or not. I can’t… we don’t even speak.’
The sky, that had been darkening slightly, rumbled as if in sympathy. A single drop of rain fell on the ground between them.
‘It’s OK,’ Frédérique said, his expression kind. ‘You do not ’ave to explain.’
‘But I do,’ she said. ‘Because you’ve done all this. And it’s so, so wonderful. And you deserve so much better. But I couldn’t say yes to your proposal, or even a proper date, when deep down I know that if Ben was to walk through the door right now, I’d take him back without question.’
There was a silence. Frédérique’s eyes became distant as he focused over her shoulder and she wondered whether he was trying not to cry. Her guests, standing taking in the spectacle, broadcast to all over loudspeaker, fell silent too, as if in sympathy. The only noise was from Claudine, grabbing on to Sam’s dress and crying ‘Mum!’ urgently.
Then she heard it – a light step behind her.
‘Do you really mean that?’ someone asked.
She recognised his voice instantly. ‘Ben?’ she said, turning and seeing her husband for the first time in weeks. She scrambled to her feet, eyes wide with shock.
He looked thinner, a little pale, rumpled from the journey. But absolutely, 100 per cent there. Behind him in the kitchen doorway, she could see Emily, who gave her a small shrug and smile.