She looked at Barbara. “What did happen to your bairn?”
“She didn’t live past her first month.” An old pain, spoken flatly.
“I am sorry.”
“Aye, well. Bairns are fragile things. And it was coming on to winter. ’Tis a time of sickness. But then two weeks later Mr. Cant did give me Matthew.” Barbara smiled. “Ye think he’s bonny now, ye should have seen him then. And it was in his nature from the start to always be exploring, never still. But he was good. I’d not have traded him for gold, and Archie kent it.”
Lily watched as Barbara’s smile straightened into an expression of more purpose, and the older woman sat more upright in her chair.
“The thing with Archie,” Barbara said, “is that he aye looks for a person’s weak side. He can’t help it, it’s the way that he was made. He might not ever have a call to use that knowledge, but he looks for it, and once he’s found it out, he keeps it close, just like a book upon his shelf, ye ken? And if he does have need of it, well, there it is and open for him.”
Lily was trying to follow, to take this all in. It was like overpainting a portrait and adding new color and depth to a face so it still was the person she knew, and yet seemed in some lights unfamiliar. She guessed, “And Matthew was your weak side?”
“All my lads are, and of course now ye and Maggie. I do love ye all, and I could never pick a favorite,” Barbara said, “but Matthew was the first, and I let Archie see, and it did cost us. It may never be put right. He’s not a demon, Archie. He does have a soul, and I did make him swear upon it that he’d not harm ye nor Maggie. Neither one of ye will wind up in that old house in the Paunchmarket.”
“What house is that?” asked Lily.
“All the truth shouldn’t be told. The point is, Archie gave his word, and I don’t doubt he’ll keep it. He does care for me, in his way.” Barbara lightly touched the silver ring and twisted it again around her finger. “It may not be what I dreamed of, yet the law would still consider ours a marriage after nearly twenty years, for all we’ve never had the words said over us in church.”
Lily softly remarked, “But ye still wear your mariner’s ring.”
“Aye. I wear this,” said Barbara, “to mind me of what was once real, even if it could not last. To mind myself that I was loved, and loved truly, for that is a thing I would hold and remember when I have grown old.”
It was difficult thinking of Barbara as old. She was so very beautiful. Trying to picture the way she’d have looked when she was Lily’s age, when the world lay in front of her, hurt Lily’s eyes, and she blinked a few times.
Barbara said, “I’m not meaning to frighten ye, Lily, nor make ye sad. But it’s good ye should learn something from my mistakes, so ye’ll not show your whole heart to Archie.”
To show she understood, Lily said, “Because ye think Matthew might be my weak side.”
“No.” Barbara smiled, fondly. “Because I think that ye’re his.”
Chapter 20
Tuesday, 10 May, 1692
All the talk was of invasion.
King James was out of Ireland now and had been back in France awhile, and it was claimed the Jacobites who had but lately gone across to join him were assembling in their ships to make a bold return, with the support of the French fleet.
The waters off Leith’s harbor teemed with English ships preparing to take back on board the soldiers of the regiments who had been quartered in the town, to carry them to stand against this newly rising threat.
And now all men between the ages of sixteen and sixty were called out and mustered to do training for defense.
Only Henry, being but fifteen, was left behind at Riddell’s Close to keep the women company. Then Barbara left for an appointment with a friend, and it was time for Maggie’s nap, and Lily took advantage of the time to clean the downstairs rooms, and Henry became restless. In midafternoon, when Maggie wakened, Henry brought her down to Lily and said, “Let’s go see the ships.”
The English fleet was setting sail, which proved a great diversion for the little girl and, privately, for Lily also. She’d not lost her childish love of everything to do with ships—the setting of the rigging and the scrambling of the crew on deck, and most of all the sight and sound of canvas being hoisted up the tall masts, and the shiver that chased over all the sails as they first felt the wind, and then the wondrous moment when they caught it, came alive with it, and slowly brought their vessels round to face the open water of the firth.