“What happened?”
He tried for another deep breath, but his chest felt too full, as though he couldn’t draw enough air into his lungs. “I played at a wedding last month. It was my first one. I actually got paid. Two hundred dollars.”
“That’s wonderful!”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. It was wonderful. Then…”
She waited, hands busy with the potatoes, not looking at him.
“Then something happened.” He wasn’t sure how to continue. “Grandma, have you ever had to deal with people that don’t like you because—well, because—you know…”
“Because I’m Black?” she said.
Ray stared down at his hands, at the potato peelings stuck to them.
“I know it must have really hurt,” she said. “Especially for a sweet boy like you. What did they say?”
The words poured out of him almost as if he weren’t speaking them. “He talked to me like I was an animal. Like I was less than an animal. He hated me. I was so scared. I’ve had to deal with people that don’t like me because they think I’m a jerk or because I get better grades than them—but it’s never been about skin before.
“I didn’t know what to do. He made me feel like I was nothing. Told me I wasn’t supposed to be there. I played really well and he told me I ruined his daughter’s wedding. Grandma…What did I do?”
She laid her hand on Ray’s cheek. Her palm was warm, slightly damp from the potatoes, and so soft. “I want you to listen to me very carefully. That thing that happened to you was terrible. That man was sick. Nothing you do or say will ever change that. You can’t think from one encounter that everyone thinks the same way he does. Don’t get me wrong. There are plenty of people, men and women, young and old, that are just like him. He wasn’t the first and he won’t be the last one to treat you that way. You are a fine young man who has so much to offer. You can’t let them take that away from you. They will try and keep trying.”
“So what do I do?”
“You can beat them. You can win. You know how?”
He shook his head.
“You work twice as hard. Even three times. For the rest of your life. It’s not fair, but that’s how it is. Some people will always see you as less than they are. So you have to be twice as good as them.”
“I don’t think I can do that.”
“You’re already doing it,” she said, her voice so low he could barely hear it. “You promise me one thing, you hear me? You stay the same sweet Ray that Grandma loves so much. You work harder than they do and you stay sweet. When you begin to hate them just because they hate you, you turn into them. And then they win. Grandma can’t have that. You just have to be true to your own sweet self and not let them change you.”
“But what do I do?” He felt so defeated. He couldn’t win against this. No matter how nicely he was dressed or how politely he spoke, his very existence would ruin the wedding.
“Just what I said. You work twice as hard. You hold your head up high, and you keep doing what you do. You get good grades. You play your music. You find your goal, and you go after it. You be proud of who you are. You never, ever forget that your grandma is proud of you, so proud her heart could just about burst from it. Don’t you ever apologize for being who you are or let someone make you feel bad for being Black.”
He could feel something inside him thaw, something he hadn’t even known was frozen. “Has it happened to you?”
“Oh, my lord, yes. Grandma’s dealt with them people all her life. It don’t stop because you get old. I seen some terrible things. And I heard of some even worse things. I prayed all my life that my children would never have to go through what I did. I could tell you stories that you wouldn’t believe. One day, baby, maybe I’ll tell you.”
“I am so sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s an ugly part of life but that’s how things are. Probably how they always will be. You just work hard and be your own sweet self, you hear me? You stand up for yourself, but always respectfully. I want you to remember that. You stand up, you respect yourself, and you be respectful. That’s how you win.”
She gave him a hug. He closed his eyes and drew her near, breathed in her smell of lavender and potato peels.
“Now when you going to play something for your grandma?”
Ray drew in a shaky breath and could feel the air at the bottom of his lungs reaching a place that was suddenly open again. He said, “I’ll play for you right after dinner.”