Kieran stared down at me. “So, that’s why you flung yourself onto the ground?”
My eyes narrowed. “I didn’t fling myself onto the ground. I flopped onto this bedroll. But, yes. That’s why.”
His lips twitched.
I narrowed my eyes even further. “Don’t laugh.”
“Okay.”
“Or smile.”
One side of his lips tipped up. “Poppy, you’re being—”
“Ridiculous.” I sat up so suddenly that Kieran jerked back. “I know.”
“I was going to say cute,” he replied.
I rolled my eyes. “There’s nothing cute about needing to drink my friend’s blood. Someone who also happens to be my advisor and my husband’s best friend. It’s awkward.”
A choked laugh left him, and I reached over to punch his arm like the mature adult I was. He caught my hand. “There’s nothing awkward about this, other than you flopping around.”
“Wow,” I muttered, tasting his sugary amusement in the back of my throat.
His wintry eyes glimmered as he leaned in, lowering his chin. “What you need is natural. It may not feel that way right now because it’s new to you, while I’ve been around Atlantians my whole life. There’s nothing awkward or bad about it.” His gaze searched mine. “I’m actually proud of you.”
“For what?”
“For telling me that you think you need to feed,” he said. “I honestly didn’t think you would. Figured you would wait until it got to the point where you were weakened or worse.”
“Well, thanks,” I said. “I think.”
“It’s a compliment.” He slid his fingers from my wrist to my hand. “You know, I wish you had this much trouble asking me to entomb you.”
“I didn’t want to ask that of you. But—”
“I know,” he said with a sigh. “You’ve fed from Cas, right? Other than when you Ascended?”
I nodded as my gaze dropped to our joined hands. His hand was the same size as Casteel’s, the skin only a few shades darker. “On the ship to Oak Ambler,” I told him. “I didn’t feel like I do now—being hungry, throat dry or my head hurting—which I’m not even sure has anything to do with that.”
“Cas would get headaches sometimes. Usually, before he got hungry.”
Well, that explained that then. “He had me feed just in case. I’m lucky that he did because I probably would’ve needed to feed sooner.”
“You have used the eather a lot, especially practicing with it while we were in Pompay.” Kieran squeezed my hand. “I imagine without the training, you probably could’ve gone longer.”
“I know that Casteel could go longer than a month without feeding if he wasn’t wounded, was eating well, and—” I sucked in a shaky breath. “Do you think he’s been allowed to feed?”
Kieran’s eyes met and held mine. “He was the first time.”
“But the first time, they kept him starving. To the point where he killed when he fed. We both know that. We both know what it did to him.” I closed my eyes against the surge of pain. “The first time I dreamt of him—he was thinner. There were these cuts all over him. I didn’t see him like that this time, but I think… I think he was able to change the way he appeared because he knew we were soul walking and didn’t want me to worry.”
“He fed on the ship, right?”
I nodded.
“Then, worst-case scenario, it’s been forty days since he last fed,” Kieran said.
My head jerked up. “You’ve been counting.”
“Haven’t you?”
“Yes,” I whispered.
He smiled, but I tasted the tangy, bitter sorrow. “We know he’s been injured, but we’re close. We’re almost there. He’ll be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”
I squeezed his hand.
“I know you would rather feed from Cas, and I wish he was here. For a multitude of reasons, Poppy. But he’s not, and you need to feed.” He lifted his other hand, clasping the side of my cheek. His skin was warm. “Not just for Cas. He will need you when we free him, of course, but more importantly, for yourself. So, let’s do this.” He dropped his hand from my cheek. “Okay?”
“Okay.” I could do this without making things awkward. I was a Queen. I straightened my spine. I was a god. My shoulders squared. I could do this without making it weird.