I chuckled roughly. “For now.”
She rose onto her knees as I offered her my right hand. My chest seized. Never would’ve thought I could go from talking about cock piercings to being choked up in under a minute, but here I was. Throat clogged, I watched her slide the ring onto my right pointer finger, the gold warm from being so close to her body. A feeling of completeness surged in seeing the ring there.
A little bit of renewal.
Her beautiful eyes glimmered as they held mine. “You…you keep asking if I’m okay, but are you?”
My chest clenched again, but the feeling was colder and more brutal. In a second, I tasted the bitter panic of being trapped—chained and unable to do anything to fight back effectively.
To be of any aid to Poppy.
“Cas,” she whispered.
A ragged breath left me as I threaded my fingers with hers. “I think I need to work on rebuilding those mental shields around you.”
“I’m not trying to read your emotions.” Poppy pursed her lips. “Okay. That’s a lie. I am. I know I shouldn’t. It’s just that… I don’t know what you went through, and I saw the marks on your body. The cuts. There were so many.”
“They took my blood,” I told her, gaze following hers to our joined hands. “Daily for a while. They put it in these vials. I assumed it was being used for the Revenants, but they stopped doing it a couple of days before you arrived.”
“Isbeth might’ve been using it for the Revenants, but I think she could’ve been using it for the Royal Blessing.” She, too, stared at our hands, and a long moment passed. “Did she…did they treat you like they had before?”
My chest burned as I lifted my gaze to her face. “No one touched me this time. Not like that.”
A shuddering breath left her. “I’m relieved to hear that, but it doesn’t make any of what was done better. Not when she kept you in that place. You had bite marks on your leg. You’d been starved—” Cutting herself off, she inhaled deeply. When her eyes lifted, I saw that the silver wisps of eather had become luminous. “I know you’re going to tell me that you’re okay. That you’re fine. And I know you’re strong. You’re the strongest person I know, but they hurt you.”
She bent, kissing the knuckle below the ring. The feeling of her lips beat back the threatening chill. “You once told me that I didn’t always have to be strong when I was with you. That it was safe for me not to be okay,” she said, and the muscles in my neck cramped. “You told me that it was your duty as my husband to make sure I knew that I didn’t have to pretend. Well, it’s my duty as your wife to make sure you know that, too. You’re my shelter, Cas. My roof and my walls—my foundation. And I am yours.”
A jagged knot filled my throat as I found myself staring at the painting of the mist-shrouded mountains. The inclination to tell her that I was fine was there. It’s what I’d done the last time when my parents or anyone asked. Even Kieran. Even when lying to him was pointless. I didn’t want any of them to worry. They’d already spent enough time doing that. And I didn’t want to put that on Poppy. She already carried enough.
But I didn’t have to pretend with her.
Not anymore.
I was safe with her.
“There was a time that I feared I would never hear you say my name outside of a dream.” The words were hard and rough, but I forced them out. “It wasn’t that I feared you wouldn’t come for me. I knew you would. That knowledge also scared the hell out of me, but it was the darkness of the cell. The hunger. The knowledge that, eventually, it would get me, and I would break. Fracture again. I wouldn’t even recognize my name to know that it was you who spoke it. So, yeah, I’m not…” I swallowed. “I’m not completely fine, but I will be.”
“Yes,” she whispered. “You will be.”
Neither of us said anything for several long moments. Finally, I looked at her, and all I saw was devotion in her eyes.
To be on the receiving end of that? It made my fucking heart skip.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Stop saying that. You do.”
“I truly don’t.” I lifted our hands, pressing a kiss to the top. “But I’ll make sure that I am worthy from now on.”
“Then I’ll make sure that you realize you already are.”
A faint grin pulled at my lips. “I should probably get out of this tub. Kieran has to be back by now.” And there were things I needed to tell her. Things I needed to remember.