I looked over at Kieran. He sat across from me, sharpening a blade. “I lost seventeen draken tonight.”
“We lost those draken,” he corrected softly.
“I awakened them. I summoned them. And within a month, they’re dead.” A knot burned the back of my throat. “You were right.”
“I know what you’re going to say,” he said. “What happened to the draken wasn’t your fault.”
“It is you who are being too kind now.” The knot of sorrow expanded. “If I had listened to you and gotten rid of her, she wouldn’t have been here to do this.”
Kieran didn’t say anything for a long moment. “There was no way you could’ve known that she was capable of such a thing,” he started, hands stilling as he lifted his gaze to mine. “Your kindness is part of who you are. It is one of the things that will make you a great Queen and god. You just need to learn when not to be kind.”
Nodding, I drew in a shaky breath as I looked down at the ring. This was a horrible way to learn such a lesson. The draken had paid a terrible price for me to learn it.
I briefly closed my eyes. Several moments passed. “You heard Reaver when he said my touch doesn’t work on beings of two worlds?”
He looked up once more. “I did.”
“That could mean I can’t bring wolven back to life.”
Sitting the blade and stone aside, he leaned forward. “It’s okay.”
“How is that okay?”
“How can it not be?” Kieran asked, his face inches from mine. “I’ve lived my entire life without there being this…this second chance. Someone with extra-special hands.”
“But I want that second chance to be an option. I know I shouldn’t. What happened with that young girl was an accident. I didn’t know what I was doing. I know I’m not the Primal of Life and don’t have that kind of authority, but…” My fingers curled around Casteel’s ring. “If something were to happen—”
“Then it happens.” Kieran’s gaze searched mine. “All of us who are here know that our lives can end at any minute. We’ve all lived never counting on a second chance, and none of us expects it to be any other way.”
“I know—”
“And you shouldn’t either.”
I knew I shouldn’t, but the idea of losing him? Vonetta? Delano? My insides went cold—colder than they’d ever been. And that place in me, the empty one, it grew.
I didn’t know what I would do if I lost them.
But as Kieran fell silent and eventually dozed off after placing his blade aside, I thought about the one thing that would prevent something from happening to Kieran. The one thing that would tie his lifespan to mine so neither Casteel nor I would ever have to say goodbye to him.
The Joining.
Chapter 10
Standing in the bedchamber, I drew my finger across the ring. It now hung from a simple gold chain that Perry had given me. He’d used it for some sort of medallion, which he’d now sewn into the inside of his armor. The gift was beyond kind and allowed me to keep Casteel’s ring safe and close to me.
Nervous energy hummed through me. Valyn and the generals would be here soon, and the hardest part of carrying out our plans would take place—convincing them to go along with it. With all of it.
Antsy and finding the woolen material of the more form-fitted tunic scratchy, I wasn’t sure if it was my clothing or just anxiety. This was the first time I’d worn the tunic trimmed with fine gold thread at its knee-length hem and along the slits on either side. It was nearly identical to the one Kieran wore. His was shorter, hitting at the thigh, but it too had the golden scrollwork at the neck and across the halves of the tunic.
I thought about what I’d had Naill create for me. Come to find out, he was rather skilled with a needle and thread. Now that would be uncomfortable to wear.
But it would serve a purpose.
“Poppy,” Kieran said from the other side of the chamber. I looked over my shoulder to see that his sister had joined him.
“They’ve arrived. Roughly two hundred thousand,” Vonetta announced as I faced the siblings. “The remaining armies are stationed at Spessa’s End in case the Blood Crown turns their attention there, along with the Guardians and the younger draken who remained. I spoke with Valyn briefly and gave him a heads-up about what happened to the draken.”
“Thank you,” I murmured, slipping the ring back behind the collar of my tunic, where it rested between my breasts. I stepped forward to leave for the receiving chamber that had been prepared for their arrival.