“I do.” I wasn’t sure why, but Valyn’s observation nagged at me. Why had I picked up so many weapons? My brows knitted as I tried to understand my apparently unconscious choices. “I just… The abilities I have can be used to heal. I’d rather use them for that.” I looked up at him as I hooked the sickle blade to my hip. “Unless I have to use them to fight. And if I do, I won’t hesitate.”
“I didn’t think you would.” He continued staring, though not at the scars. “You look like…”
I knew how I appeared.
My lip curled as I eyed the sleeve of my gown—the white gown. The night in New Haven, when I decided that I could no longer be the Maiden, I’d made promises to myself. One of those was that I would never be garbed in white again.
I’d broken that promise today with the aid of Naill and the wolven, Sage. The linen gown was one of two that had been constructed from one of Kieran’s tunics, the hem ending at the knees and the sides left open to allow me to reach the wolven dagger strapped to my thigh. Under it, I wore a pair of thick tights that I’d borrowed from Sage. The stitches had been loosened, as the wolven was at least a size or two smaller than I, and then reinforced. Both were a pure, pristine white, as were the armor plates at my shoulders, and my breastplates. Naill had even managed to tack white cloth over the thin armor. He’d done an amazing job, providing exactly what I’d asked for, and then he’d doubled it. There was another gown. Another pair of tights.
I hated it with every fiber of my being.
But what I wore would serve a purpose. I was not the Queen any mortal would recognize. The gilded crown meant nothing to them.
The white of the Maiden did.
“How you imagined the Maiden looked?” I finished for him. “Except, normally, I wore a veil instead of armor and…” My cheeks warmed again. “And not nearly as many weapons.”
He gave a quick shake of his head, causing a strand of hair to slip free from the knot he’d tied the rest back in. It fell across his cheek. “I was going to say you look like one of my favorite paintings.”
“Oh.” I shifted a bit awkwardly.
“Of the goddess, Lailah, to be exact. Not in physical appearance, but the armor and straight spine. The strength. There’s actually a painting in the palace. Not sure if you had a chance to see it, but it’s of the Goddess of Peace and Vengeance. She wore white armor.”
“I haven’t seen it.”
“I think you would like it.”
I couldn’t help but think of Casteel and what he would think if he saw me like this. He would approve of the weapons. Greatly. The gown?
He’d probably tear it off and set it afire.
Thoughts of Casteel made me think of the dream—and what it could mean. “There’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“Ask away.”
“Kieran thought you may know if it’s possible for heartmates to walk in each other’s dreams.”
“I remember reading something that made that claim. They actually called it…” Valyn’s brow creased. “Soul walking. Not dream walking. Said that the souls could find each other, even in dreams.” His expression smoothed out. “Did something like that happen?”
It took everything in me not to allow the dream to form in any sort of detail. “I had a dream that was incredibly vivid. It didn’t feel like a normal dream, and I think Casteel realized it was different, too, right before I woke up. I mean, I could be wrong, and it could’ve just been a dream.”
“I think it’s exactly what you believe. Soul walking between heartmates,” he said. “My son said he believed you were his heartmate—not that he needed to tell me that. I saw it for myself after the attack at the Chambers of Nyktos when he awoke to find that you’d been taken. I saw it in your eyes and heard it in your voice when you spoke of your plans to go to Carsodonia. You two have found something so very few ever experience.”
“We have,” I whispered, my throat tightening.
Valyn smiled, but the faint lines of his face seemed deeper as he let out a rough breath. “I passed Kieran on the way to see you,” Valyn stated, much to my relief. “I could tell he worried about why I wanted to speak with you. Other than his family, the only other person I’ve ever seen him this loyal to is Casteel. And that kind of loyalty goes beyond any sort of bond—even a Primal notam.” He turned his head toward me, his golden eyes sheltered. “He’s good for you. For both of you.”