“I thought Daisy wasn’t supposed to get on the furniture.”
“She’s not. So how about I make you some hot chocolate instead?”
“That’s okay.”
For the first time since I’d known him, he reached over and placed his hand on mine. He gave it a squeeze, his touch electric.
“It might not mean anything, but I think you’re amazing,” he said. “You’re smart and you have a great sense of humor and obviously, you already know how beautiful you are.”
I felt myself blush at his words, thankful for the darkness. I could still feel his hand on mine, radiating warmth up my arm. He seemed in no rush to let go.
“You know what I was thinking about?” I asked. “Right before you got here?”
“I have no idea.”
“I was thinking that even though my parents were here for only three days, it seemed like an entire month.”
He chuckled before meeting my eyes again. I felt his thumb teasing the back of my hand, featherlight.
“Do you want me to come by tomorrow to tutor? Because if you need a day to unwind, I completely understand.”
Avoiding Bryce, I knew, would make me feel even worse. “I want to keep going on my reading and my assignments,” I said, surprising even myself. “I’ll be okay after I get some sleep.”
His expression was gentle. “You know they love you, right? Your parents, I mean. Even if they aren’t too good at showing it?”
“I know,” I answered, but strangely, I found myself suddenly wondering whether he was talking about them, or about himself.
*
As we eased into February, Bryce and I fell back into our regular routine. It wasn’t quite the same as before, though. For starters, something deeper had taken root when I’d sensed he wanted to kiss me and had grown even stronger when he’d taken my hand. Though he didn’t touch me again—and certainly didn’t attempt a kiss—there was a new charge between us, a low-level and insistent hum that was almost impossible to ignore. I’d be doing a geometry problem and I’d catch him staring at me in a way that seemed unfamiliar, or he’d hand me the camera and hold it for an instant too long, making me pull, and I felt like he was trying to keep his emotions in check.
Meanwhile, I was sorting through my own feelings, especially right before drifting off to sleep. I’d get to the point of no return—that brief and hazy period where consciousness blends with the unconscious and things get swimmy—when all of a sudden, I’d picture him on the ladder or remember the way his touch had set my nerves on fire, and I’d immediately wake up.
My aunt, too, seemed to notice that my relationship with Bryce had…evolved. He was still having dinner with us two or three times a week, but instead of leaving immediately afterward, Bryce would sit with us in the living room for a while. Despite the lack of privacy—or maybe because of it—he and I began to develop our own secret nonverbal communication. He’d gently raise an eyebrow and I’d know that he was thinking the same thing that I was, or when I impatiently ran a hand through my hair, Bryce knew I wanted to change the subject. I thought we were pretty subtle about the whole thing, but Aunt Linda wasn’t easily fooled. After he’d finally gone home, she’d say something that would make me reflect on what she was really trying to tell me.
“I’m going to miss having you around here once you leave,” she’d say casually, or “How are you sleeping? Pregnancy can have all kinds of effects on hormones.”
I’m pretty sure it was her way of reminding me that falling for Bryce wasn’t in my best interest, even if she wouldn’t say it directly. The net effect was that I would reflect on her comments after acknowledging their underlying truth: my hormones were running wild and I was going to be leaving soon.
And yet, the heart is a funny thing, because even though I knew there was no future for Bryce and me, I would lie awake at night listening to the gentle lapping of sea against the shoreline, knowing that a big part of me simply didn’t care.
*
If I could point to a single notable change in my habits since I’d arrived in Ocracoke, it was my diligence when it came to schoolwork. By the second week of February, I was completing March assignments and I’d done well on all of my quizzes and exams. Simultaneously, I continued to grow more confident with the camera, and my proficiency was steadily improving. Chalk it up to our narrow focus on schoolwork and photography, but Valentine’s Day was just…okay.