“I have to. If she doesn’t come back home tonight, he’ll…”
“He’ll what?” I prompt when she stops talking.
“It will be bad, Phoenix. Very bad.”
It’s like she’s living in her own little delusional world. “It’s already bad.”
She stands up. “You don’t understand. I have to protect her.”
She’s the one who doesn’t understand.
I move so I’m directly in front of her, blocking her from leaving. “The best way to protect her is to let her stay with me.”
I don’t know shit about taking care of someone else and I sure as fuck don’t have the lifestyle for it, but I do know the life I can give her is light-years better than the one she has right now because it doesn’t involve getting beaten.
Reaching up, she touches my face. “You’ve accomplished so much.” Another tear streams down her cheek and she kisses my forehead…just like she used to before she’d tuck me into bed. “I always knew my baby boy was a rara avis. That’s why I named you Phoenix.”
A sharp twinge of pain strikes my chest. Rara avis.
It means rare bird in Latin. A phenomenon. A prodigy.
It’s what she used to always call me.
The cold, hard truth slices through my sternum…a final stab to the vestige of the organ she broke.
There’s no way my mother truly believed that…otherwise she wouldn’t have left.
She tries to sidestep me, but I catch her forearm.
Then I repeat the very same words Lennon said to me.
Because I know how much they sting.
“Does it hurt to hear me everywhere you go?”
Her face collapses. “Phoenix.”
“Did you ever have the urge to reach out? It’s not like you didn’t know where I was.”
I was everywhere.
And she was nowhere.
She wipes her tears with the back of her hand. “No. Chad wouldn’t like it.”
This woman has fucked me up more than any drug ever could, but she’s still my mother. I can’t stand the thought of her being abused by her husband. Again.
That little boy couldn’t protect her, but I can.
“Mom.” I wait for her to look at me before I speak. “I can help you. You and Quinn. I can set you up in a nice house somewhere. I’ll hire security to be with you all the time and I’ll be there whenever I’m not working. I’ll make sure you never see him again.”
She gives me a sad smile. “I appreciate the offer, but I need to stay with Chad.”
Whatever hopes I had of patching up our relationship and having a mother again vanish.
I don’t fucking get it. I’m offering her protection and a chance to live a nice safe life that involves having both her kids in it…but she doesn’t want it.
She wants Chad.
I guess it’s true what they say. Some people like being the victim.
Because they don’t know any different.
But Quinn isn’t a victim. Despite everything, she’s vibrant, quirky, and strong.
She’s a survivor.
Just like her big brother.
Which is why she sought me out. Quinn wants out of that hellhole and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure she never goes back.
Which is exactly what our mother should be doing.
But she’s always chosen men, herself, and her submission to those men over us.
“It’s funny. You claim you want to protect your kids, but you never do.” The truth is a visceral punch to the gut, as the image I’ve always had of her shatters. “You don’t want to leave your precious Chad? Fine. Stay and let him beat the shit out of you. But for once in your fucking life, be a mom and do what’s right for your kid.”
She opens her mouth—no doubt gearing up to spew some bullshit about how she is a good mother—but Lennon barges inside.
My guts twist as I take in her glassy eyes and the panic on her face.
“Quinn’s gone.”
The hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. “What do you mean Quinn’s gone?”
“We were on the bus watching television and then I went to the bathroom…but when I came back out, she was gone.” She draws in a jittery breath. “I don’t understand. Everything was fine.” Her gaze flicks to my mother. “Well, as fine as it could be, considering the circumstances.”
My mother brushes past me. “I have to find her before he does.”
No. I have to find her before he does.
I race out of the room and Lennon chases after me. “I’m so sorry.”