He can try to push me away with everything he’s got, but I’m not budging. I refuse to amplify the demon in his head.
No matter how much he wants me to.
“Why? So I can make it easier for you to feed into this bullshit concept that you’re worthless because that’s what he made you believe? That everyone you let in will abandon you like she did? That because you made a careless, awful mistake that night you deserve to suffer every single day for the rest of your life? Fuck that and fuck you. I’m staying.”
He gets so close to my face we’re nearly nose to nose. “You’re fired.”
Like that’s supposed to scare me. Chandler threatens to fire me on a weekly basis.
“I don’t care.” I poke his chest. “The only way I’m leaving is if you physically make me.” I peer into his eyes. “So, go ahead, Phoenix. Do it.”
It’s the equivalent of poking a starving tiger at the zoo, but I have a point to prove.
Fisting my sundress, he yanks me against him like I’m a rag doll. He’s so angry he shakes with the force of it.
“I told you I would never fucking hurt you.”
He releases me so abruptly, I stumble back.
Phoenix is more furious than I’ve ever seen him. Yet, he still won’t go there.
“I know you won’t. Because you’re not him.”
He kicks the trailer again. “Oh yeah? Then why did she leave me too?” There’s another sharp kick followed by a punch. “Why wasn’t I the kid she chose?” A tortured sound rips from his throat. “Why did she leave me here with him?” He punches it again. So hard his knuckles split open and blood oozes out. “Why does he hate me so fucking much?”
I tell him the truth. “She left you because she was selfish. And he was so miserable and full of hatred for himself it seeped out and infected you.” A tremble runs through him when I press a hand to his back. “But you didn’t deserve any of that. Stop letting their demons become yours.”
Earlier, my dad told me not to let my insecurities overpower that which makes my soul come alive. Phoenix needs to apply the same notion when it comes to his past.
Chest heaving, he turns around. He looks so broken it crushes my heart. I wrap my arms around him, holding him tighter than I’ve ever held anything in my whole entire life as we collapse on the porch.
Clutching the back of my dress, he buries his face in my neck.
I hug him harder. “It’s their loss.”
Because his mother was right about one thing. He is a rara avis.
However, neither her nor that monster she left him here with can take credit for it.
It’s all him.
My heart plummets as I think about all the abuse that occurred inside this trailer.
All the times that little boy cried and wished someone would love and care for him.
All the times his father made him feel like he wasn’t worthy of it.
But Phoenix rose from those ashes.
“That piece of shit tried to destroy you, but he couldn’t. Because you’re so much stronger than he will ever be. He thought you’d be stuck here and remain his victim for the rest of your life, but you proved him wrong.” Cupping the back of his neck, I bring my lips to his ear. “Don’t you dare let him win now.”
He closes his eyes and trembles, like my words are bullets puncturing him. “Lennon?”
“Yeah?”
“Go to your car. I need a minute.”
I brush the dirt off my knees as I stand up. “Okay.”
My eyes burn and my hands shake so bad my phone slips out of my grasp as I head back.
I pick it up off the ground so I can call Chandler, but a guttural sound cuts through the air.
When I spin around, I see Phoenix doubled over on the porch, shaking like it physically hurts.
My heart knocks against my chest like it’s trying to break free so it can fly right into him.
I’ve always wanted to know everything he kept bottled up inside…and right now I have a front-row seat.
It’s pure torture.
My phone rings, but I press the ignore button.
I want to run back over there, but I know he needs his space.
I just wish his pain wasn’t ripping my own heart to shreds, because watching him fall apart like this is cutting me wide open.
“Fuck you,” Phoenix snarls as he stands up.
He brings a cigarette to his lips, his chest rising and falling with deep inhales and exhales.
Then he grabs the vodka bottle.
Bile rises up my esophagus as he unscrews the top.
I open my mouth to stop him, but the words get stuck in my throat because he smashes a window in.