That’s when I remember we’re not alone.
“Wow, would you look at that?” Skylar bites out. “Someone finally discovered condoms.”
“Six days,” I whisper as Phoenix and I break apart. “But that’s—”
He silences me with another kiss.
CHAPTER 66
LENNON
“Holy crap, I have to crap,” Quinn announces before she makes a mad dash for the bathroom inside the greenroom.
Given she just wolfed down an entire meatball sub in the time it takes most people to brush their teeth, I’m not surprised.
Shaking my head, I go back to my bowl of veggies. Ever since the pictures came out five days ago, I’ve been trying to eat super healthy. I’ve already lost two out of the five pounds I gained on tour.
“Shoot.”
I’m reaching down for the fork I just dropped when my fingers brush against something smooth and familiar. It must have fallen out of Skylar’s bag when she left to go run an errand.
My stomach erupts in a flurry of anxiety as I pick up the black Sharpie.
I haven’t been having the greatest time mentally since I read those comments, despite reminding myself to ignore them like Skylar said.
Unfortunately, the bad stuff has always stuck inside my psyche like glue. Theoretically, I could receive a hundred compliments, but it still wouldn’t be enough to bury one cruel remark.
At least that’s how it used to be for me. Although that voice has been getting louder and louder these days.
Because the worst thing about those articles isn’t the nasty criticism, it’s that it seems to have negated all the rewiring to my self-esteem that I’ve spent years working on.
I finally got to a place where I was comfortable with who I was and even though my body wasn’t perfect, I was happy with it.
My heart twists against my rib cage, drudging up all those old feelings I’ve tried to abandon as I continue staring at the marker.
It would be so damn easy to relapse and write all their words on my skin…pour salt in the wounds they created.
But doing that has never made it hurt any less.
Because it isn’t Sabrina, or the people at school, or the trolls online that are my greatest enemy.
It’s this thing.
It’s me.
My dad once posed a question in which he asked me whether I would be nasty or kind to an overweight person I’d encountered on the street.
Of course, I said the latter.
To which he responded—“then why wouldn’t you extend the same compassion to yourself?”
As usual, my dad was right.
So, while it would be easy to mark my skin with all those hurtful words, I don’t want to go back to that dark place.
I don’t want to let those people or my old self win.
I’m placing the Sharpie down when Skylar charges in like a woman on a mission.
After a quick look around the room, she closes the door.
That’s when I notice the papers in her hand.
“What’s that?”
She shoves the stack at me. “You’ve been letting those assholes’ words live rent-free in your head all week, so I wanted to show you these.”
By these she means various comments she printed out. Only, unlike the others…they’re nice.
My chest swells as I flip through them.
—Sheeesh. She’s thicc AF and hella cute.
—Some of y’all need to stop hating. I think she’s beautiful.
—Phoenix knows wassup. Curves in all the right places.
—Slay girl.
—Thick thighs save lives.
—She can ride me any day of the week. No cap.
—Yaasss. We stan a curvy queen.
—It’s nice to see someone like him with a regular girl. Gives the rest of us some hope.
—Dayum. That ass is valid. Phoenix understood the assignment.
—He’s obviously into her and that’s all that matters. People need to quit being jealous.
The fact Skylar went digging for these and printed them out to show me means more than she’ll ever know.
“You didn’t have to do this,” I whisper through the lump in my throat. “Thank you.”
She walks over to the mini-fridge and grabs a bottle of water. “I just wanted you to see the flip side of it. Don’t let some keyboard warriors make you feel less than and screw up your confidence.”
If only it were that simple. While I appreciate what Skylar did, she’ll never truly get what it’s like…because she’s flawless.
“Easy for you to say.” I place the papers on the coffee table in front of me. “You’re legit perfect.”