As his breathing grows deeper, I study the large tattoo spanning his back. I’ve noticed it a few times since I’ve been here, but I never had the inkling to examine it before now.
It’s a beautiful piece of art.
Vibrant colorful flames surround a resilient phoenix ascending from the pile of smoky embers below.
The bird is half black and half color…as though stuck in mid-transformation.
Trying his hardest to overcome that which destroyed him.
The little I know about Phoenix’s past and everything he’s told me tonight sits heavy in my chest as I trace the wings with the tip of my finger.
“I should be dead,” he whispers. “Not them.”
It feels like someone reached inside my chest and pulled out my beating heart.
Because if he keeps going the way he is…he will be.
“I wish it was me.” The hopelessness in his voice cuts like a knife. “So fucking bad.”
I know he does.
I continue tracing the lines of his tattoo as his heavy eyelids close and his labored breathing evens out.
Phoenix’s are supposed to rise from the ashes…
But this one wants to burn.
CHAPTER 38
LENNON
Waking up next to Phoenix Walker is both strange and oddly familiar at the same time.
Like catching up with an old friend you haven’t seen in years.
Upon rousing and seeing me, he grins. “Hey.”
Holy hell, it should be illegal for someone to look like that when they first wake up.
“How do you feel?”
Yawning, he stretches those long limbs like a feline. The movement causes the covers to drop, exposing his flat sculpted stomach…and the scar on his torso.
“Like shit.”
“Luckily, you still have a couple more hours before soundcheck.”
“Yeah.” Stuffing one hand under his pillow, he holds my gaze. “Thanks for last night.”
Emotions run rampant throughout me as we continue staring at one another.
My chest hurts when I think about everything he told me.
But just as quickly…my self-preservation kicks in, reminding me we’re not friends.
While I feel terrible for what happened, and I don’t think he should spend the rest of his life harming himself because of it…it doesn’t change what he did to me.
Spending the night in his bed—albeit for comfort as opposed to sexual reasons—is not only a bad move on my part, it’s flat out dumb.
“I’m gonna go.”
My feet have barely touched the floor when a strong arm wraps around my waist and I’m hauled onto the bed again.
Pressing the front of his body against my back, his lips find the sensitive spot under my ear. “Stay.”
Unlike last night, the word isn’t laced with pain…it’s pure desire.
The substantial morning wood digging into my ass triggers that all too familiar war to wage inside me again. “Phoenix.”
“Don’t worry.” My breath hitches when the pad of his thumb slides along the bare patch of skin above the band of my sleep shorts. “I’ll let you come this time.”
His voice is like warm honey over rust, equally caressing and abrading my insides as his hand slowly makes its way up my shirt…
Giving me just enough time to come to my senses before it’s too late.
Ripping his hand away, I get off the bed. “Not happening.”
“Why?” he rumbles like a toddler who’s about to have a temper tantrum because their favorite toy was taken away.
The fact he even has the gall to ask why I’m turning him down only pisses me off more.
“Are you serious?” The confused look on his face has me straight up seething. “Just because I was there for you last night doesn’t mean everything is okay between us.”
It never will be.
He sits up “Goddammit, Lennon. I’m—”
“You’re what?” I push when he stops himself.
Jaw ticcing, he grabs a pack of cigarettes and a lighter off the nightstand.
Come on. Say it.
Give me the acknowledgment—and the apology—I deserve.
But he doesn’t.
He sits there smoking his cigarette.
“That’s why.”
Disgusted, I speed toward the door.
Another surge of wrath explodes inside me as I twist the knob.
“Phoenix?”
I wait for him to look at me before I utter my next words.
“Does it hurt to hear me everywhere you go?”
For the briefest of moments, the anguish from last night is back.
Good.