“Everclear,” Mif said, which was grain alcohol. Billy acted as if he had downed the shot, then spit the Jell-O onto the lawn. I wished I had done the same thing.
Mif and the other pledges were put to work and seriously abused. The rest of us didn’t fit in, and it soon became apparent that while this had sounded like a good idea in theory, it would not be one in practice. I knew few people, had no allegiance to the school, and therefore had few subjects in common with anyone. As the night wore on, we lost Mif and the other pledges, and I lost interest.
When the police showed up, we took that as a cue to leave. Billy, Cap, and I walked with Donny back to his car. Donny was so drunk he stumbled from one side of the sidewalk to the other, the way he steered his car on the freeway. Cap also was in no shape to drive. When we reached the car I said, “Donny, let me have the keys.”
Donny refused.
Billy also asked for the keys.
Again, Donny refused. “Nobody drives my car but me.”
“I can drive,” I said. “I didn’t drink.” I’d had just one beer and the Jell-O shot hours before.
“Get in the car or you’re walking,” Donny said, swearing.
“Donny, let him drive,” Billy said.
“It’s my car. I drive. You want a ride, get in. Otherwise take the bus.”
We could see there would be no reasoning with Donny. Billy looked at me. “What do we do?”
My first instinct was to not get in the car. My first instinct was to call a cab, despite the significant expense. I could afford it. I also thought of going back to Mif’s apartment and spending the night on the couch. We could have done a lot of things. But I also knew that letting Donny and Cap drive home was a death sentence for the two of them, and maybe others.
I couldn’t let them make the drive without being there to at least keep Donny alert. I couldn’t bear the thought of letting them go and later learning they had died in a car accident, maybe killed others, but I also had a premonition—a premonition that if I got in that car, I would not live.
“I don’t think we have a choice,” I said.
Billy remained hesitant. “I’ll go if you’re going. Try to keep him awake.”
“That’s my plan,” I said.
Donny nearly sideswiped several parked cars before we even reached the freeway. Cap, in the front seat, fell asleep. I was in the back with Billy, both of us imploring Donny to pull over so one of us could drive. We kept talking to him, trying to keep him alert. Donny drove so erratically it was a miracle we were not pulled over. I kept hoping we would be.
As we drove across the Bay Bridge, I looked over at Billy. He had cinched the drawstring of the hood of his sweatshirt so tight he couldn’t see.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I don’t want to watch us die,” he said. And I could tell by his tone he meant it.
I wondered if I had pushed my luck too far, if I was going to die. Why did I get in the car? What the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t have a death wish. I wanted to live. And in that moment, I realized something else. My ass was twitching, uncontrollably. At first it felt like a muscle spasm, but it gradually worsened.
I now knew scared.
I sat forward. Every time I’d see Donny’s head nod, I’d flick his ear. He was so drunk he didn’t know it was me. He just kept swiping at the air, as if a bee were annoying him. His ear was beet red, but he was awake, battling to keep the car straight.
By some miracle we reached the 280 freeway south, and by an even bigger miracle, we came to the Trousdale exit. Donny’s chin dropped to his chest and I flicked his ear.
“Take this exit, Donny. Donny, take this exit. Donny!”
At the last moment, Donny lifted his head and swerved to take the exit, traveling too fast. He hit the brakes, sending the car into a slide. We spun, how many times I do not know. I just remember feeling totally helpless, centrifugal force shoving me into Billy and both of us against the car wall. The car bounced, nearly tipped, and came to a sudden stop with a thud.
It took a moment to get my bearings. We were at the bottom of the exit. We had slid into the dirt and tall grass and hit a barbed wire fence and several wooden fence posts, uprooting them.
I looked over at Billy, whose eyes were the size of saucers. Then I looked to Donny and Cap. Both were passed out.
I could hardly catch my breath. I leaned forward and pulled the door handle next to where Cap slept and shoved the seat far enough forward for Billy and me to get out. Cap stirred but did not come to.
“What do we do?” Billy asked.