I couldn抰 stay in Queen抯 Cove and go pro. I wanted to compete, and I wanted to win.
Last night, I had watched footage of my competitors, surfers who had been competing since they were kids. They were used to the pressure. They were used to everyone knowing their name.
揥hat抯 wrong??Her hands rested flat behind her, holding her up.
I shook my head. 揘othing.?
揧ou don抰 have your usual stoned surfer look today.?
That made me smile. 揑抦 never stoned while surfing.?
揧ou know what I mean.?
I inhaled a long breath and let it out. 揧ou know when we were at the bar and I said I wasn抰 worrying about Pacific Rim??
She nodded.
I didn抰 answer. The words were stuck in my throat.
揧ou抳e been worrying??
I gave her a quick nod. 揘ot so chill, huh??
She tilted her head and gave me a soft smile. 揧ou don抰 have to be 憇o chill?all the time. You抮e human, Wyatt.?She regarded me, thinking. 揥hat do you worry about??
揟hat I抣l get out there and choke.?Again. 揟hat I抣l do well, place in the competition, and have to leave Queen抯 Cove.?
She gazed out across the water. 揇amned if you do and damned if you don抰。？
I huffed a laugh. 揧eah. Something like that.?
Ripples radiated from her fingertips as she skimmed them through the water. She pulled her lip into her mouth between her teeth. 揅an抰 you come back to Queen抯 Cove in between competitions??
揝ure, but it won抰 be the same.?
揘o. It won抰。？Her gaze flicked up to me. 揥hat do you think about out there when you抮e surfing??
揘othing. My mind goes blank. My body knows what to do, my instincts tell me when to paddle and hop up or when to stay put.?
揥hy do you think you抣l choke??
Because it happened before. At last year抯 competition, I had panicked.
I cleared my throat. 揑 have a good life. I surf, I have the shop, and I love living here. I shouldn抰 mess with a good thing.?
The summer with my aunts taught me everything was temporary梤elationships, jobs, even love. The idea of going pro and surfing around the world was both electrifying and terrifying.
Once I had it, I could lose it.
My chest was tight with anxiety, so I cleared my throat again. 揥hat about you, bookworm, would you ever leave Queen抯 Cove??
She chewed her lip before answering. 揑 can抰 leave. I have the store.?She let out a long sigh and stared up at the sky. 揑抎 love to travel, though. I抳e never been anywhere except to university in Victoria. I read about all these places in books and it抯 like I抦 there but,?Her mouth twisted in a rueful smile. 揑t抯 not real. I want to go there for real.?
揅ould your dad run the store for a bit? Or Liya??
She shifted her weight on the board, wobbling but maintaining balance. 揢m. I guess. I don抰 know, it抯 a lot of responsibility and I don抰 think Liya wants that. And my dad hasn抰 worked at the store in a while so doesn抰 know where anything is.?She lifted a shoulder in a half-shrug. 揑抎 have to close the store for a couple weeks and then the customers would be all grouchy because they couldn抰 get their books.?
I pinned her with my gaze. 揌ave you talked to Liya about running the shop when you抮e away??
She shifted again. 揘o, but she抯 busy and I don抰 want to make her uncomfortable by asking too much of her.?
揝o you抮e trapped.?
She sat up and shook her head. 揑 love the store. I wish棓 Her throat worked and she frowned. 揗y dad抯 stuck.?
The guy had been handed a rough deal, losing his wife like that. But it wasn抰 fair to Hannah to have to run the business like a monument to her mother. Hannah was in charge now. She had all these incredible ideas to change the store and they sat idle in her head.
揥hat was your mom like??
A smile grew on her face. 揝he loved books.?
揜uns in the family.?
Her smile lifted all the way up to her eyes. 揝he had a degree in English lit, like me. She loved it when people found a book they couldn抰 put down and came back to tell her about it. She was always recommending books to people.?Hannah stretched one leg out down the board and wiggled her toes. 揚eople came to the bookstore for her, to chat with her or to say hi. Her enthusiasm was contagious.?
I listened, not wanting to interrupt or give her a reason to stop talking, like at the bar when she told me about how she抎 change the store if she could.
揥hat抯 your role in the store??
揗y dad still owns it and there抯 kind of an unspoken understanding that I抣l inherit it one day. We don抰 talk about that stuff.?
She was running the business single-handedly and it would probably be hers one day, but she had no say. That didn抰 sit right with me, but I pressed my mouth tight and kept it to myself.