Which means…
Heat rises in my throat and for the first time in a long time, the shift threatens to overwhelm me outside of the seconds and the minutes and the hours.
Somehow, I keep it at bay.
I must amend my list. I will lose my mind over three things.
Blood and unshelled peanuts and revenge.
11
CHERRY
I uncork a bottle of wine and guzzle it back.
When the alcohol settles in my stomach, I sway a little on the edge of my bed and look around my room.
I should go.
Don’t even bother packing. Just slip out a side door and through the woods and find a ship I can sneak onto in Darlington Port.
The pit in my stomach is growing heavier by the second.
“Cherry?”
“Ahhh!” I jolt. The bed squeaks and I throttle the wine bottle like a weapon.
Bash frowns at me from the open doorway. “Are you okay?”
They’re going to find out. If Winnie hasn’t told them yet…they’re going to find out and then they’re going to do very bad things to me.
There is no one I can turn to.
I’ve always had no one but it’s hitting me especially hard right now just how very alone I am.
“I’m fine,” I answer. “What’s up?”
It’s been hours since Smee left. Bash has showered, his hair wet and slicked back save for a few strands over his forehead. He’s shirtless because he always is. Sometimes I would catch myself just staring at his abs and the tattoos that run over his torso.
I might have been in love with Vane all these years, but I always felt safest with the twins.
No, maybe that’s not right. I’m not sure there is such a thing as safe on Neverland.
But the twins made me feel less alone.
I can barely look Bash in the eye now.
“We’re throwing you a going-away party,” he says. “I’ll make you one party food. Your choice. What’ll it be?”
I need to leave. I take another drink from the wine.
“I have everything for lavender biscuits, the lemony ones you like.” He tilts his head and scans my face. “Or the honeysuckle tarts.”
I take another drink and wince.
“Cherry?”
“Honeysuckle tarts.” I’m practically vibrating. I want to vomit.
Bash comes further into the room. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Of course.”
“You know, it might be for the best, you returning to Hook’s territory.”
I snort. “Are you kidding me?”
Bash cocks his head. “Cherry, listen—”
“My brother didn’t want me in the first place. Do you know that when he left England, I snuck onto his ship because I couldn’t stand the thought of being left with our father? Our father beat Jas every chance he got and sometimes when he was really angry, he’d slap me around too. But Jas never wanted me around either. When you all took Smee, he came to me and convinced me it was ‘good form to make a great sacrifice for the family.’ He told me trading places with Smee would only be temporary. A few weeks at most. And then when the weeks drug on and on, I realized he wasn’t coming back for me so I decided to make the most of it and now look.”
I run my hand beneath my wet nose. “I made this my home because it was the only option I had.”
Tears spring to my eyes. I didn’t mean to admit all that. Sometimes my mouth runs before my brain does.
But don’t they know they left me no choice? Winnie changed everything. She is the only reason they’re getting rid of me now.
I sniff and a tear streams down my face.
Bash sighs and sits on my bed beside me. Our knees bump and I am reminded of what it felt like the first night I decided to say screw it and got drunk on faerie wine and made out with Bash for the rest of the night.
He didn’t fuck me even though he could have.
I would have let him.
There were nights after when he would come down to my room and climb into my bed and cast me an illusion that reminded me of the apple orchards not far from where I grew up. Every time he cast the illusion, the magic would become more accurate until it became so real, it made me sob and Bash would pull me into his side and run his fingers through my hair and just let me cry.
Kas may be the one with the bleeding heart, but Bash was the one who went out of his way to make me feel better.
More tears stream down my face and when I suck in a snotty breath, I catch the faint scent of apples.
When I look up, there is a shadow of an apple tree cast on my wall and bright pink petals are fluttering down from the ceiling.