His careful words make my heart ache. I never considered how much my decision to bond with Sebastian hurt Finn. I was too busy feeling betrayed by both of them to give it a second thought. “I told Sebastian that he needs to let me go.” I draw in a deep breath. “He’s holding on, but I can’t have him believing I’m going to give us a chance. Not when I have these feelings for you.” I close my eyes.
“I know it might seem like I’m being influenced by the tether, but it’s more than that. It’s been more than that for a long time, and I just want . . . I want a chance for us to explore that. Without the bond in our way.”
Finn’s lips brush my neck again and he breathes in deeply. His hand drifts from my hip and up my side, his thumb skimming the underside of my breasts. “If I tell you something, will you promise me not to decide tonight or even tomorrow?”
“What is it?” I ask, studying his face in the starlight.
He strokes his thumb across my bottom lip. “On the other side of the portal, deep in the Underworld, the Waters of New Life flow. Water so clear it can strip away your mistakes, your regrets. Water that can, if you ask it, undo the bonds you’ve taken with others. Only there can severing the bond be your choice alone.”
Which would mean I could be with Finn without feeling Sebastian between us. I wouldn’t have to shield myself from Sebastian so diligently. It would mean a fresh start. “I could ask the waters to strip me of my bond with Sebastian?”
He swallows. “Only if you wish.”
“Then you and I . . .”
Finn shakes his head slowly. “Only if you wish,” he repeats.
I do wish, but I take a moment anyway, considering what I’d do if I didn’t have feelings for Finn.
“It’s a wonder how I can loathe this bond so much when loneliness dogged me most of my life. It should be a relief, the constant awareness of another. But I was never allowed time to settle into this new body as myself alone. I need that.”
“I want that for you.” He slides his hand into my hair and cradles the back of my head, kissing me firmly before pulling me against his chest. “Sleep, Princess. These decisions don’t need to be made tonight.”
Lark visits my dreams again, and the sight of her silver eyes and flowing dark hair makes me smile.
“It’s been a while,” I tell her, squinting when she fades in and out of being like a weak illusion.
“You can’t take the throne from the Underworld.” Her little voice sounds different tonight. Tired.
“Why are you telling me that?” I ask. I’ve learned, after all, that when Lark visits me in a dream, I need to listen.
“When the water rises, you need the white-eyed monster. Don’t hide from him. And don’t give up.”
The image fades again, and I frown, trying to understand. “Can you show me?” I ask. “Explain why I need this monster?”
She fades away, and suddenly I’m floating above a room of sleeping children, like the infirmary in the capital but somewhere different. What does some monster have to do with the sleeping children?
“Lark?” I call.
“I’m so tired,” she says, but I can see only her eyes this time, nothing more. “It’s almost time for me to sleep.”
“You don’t mean— No.” My throat feels too thick, and I cough on surging tears. “But you’re half Wild Fae. How is this getting to you?”
“Don’t give up until the monster takes you deeper, Princess.”
She fades away, and I bolt awake, alert and panting.
The camp is quiet, and morning is close. Finn sleeps beside me, his breathing even, his arm looped around my waist.
White-eyed monster. What does that even mean? Is it some sort of metaphor? But my confusion is overshadowed by my fear. We can’t lose Lark to the Long Sleep. It would destroy Pretha.
I could wake Finn and tell him what I dreamed, but he needs the rest. We all do. If Lark is becoming one of the sleeping children, we need to fight harder than ever to get someone on that throne.
Chapter Twenty-Five
After another hour of fitful sleep, I wake to the first rays of dawn peeking through the trees. Kane and Tynan are sleeping on their bedrolls on the other side of our barely glowing fire. Finn’s left our bed early this morning, and I imagine him sneaking through the woods with his wolves, already out scouting for breakfast.
I grab my cloak and shrug it on, moving quietly so I don’t wake the others. I pull on my boots, not bothering to lace them, and make my way toward the trees, where I take care of business quickly before heading to the stream I spotted last night.