“When I turned nineteen, my mother sent me on a mission to find you, to find my father’s crown.
She would’ve done it herself, but she was too weak. The curse had ravaged her. So she sent me to do this one thing I was born to do. To claim the crown Oberon had promised her would go to their child.” He swallows. “And then I met you. I knew she’d destroy you, and I couldn’t let that happen.
All I could do was hide the truth. Bide my time until the curse finally stole her last breath. Only then would you be safe.”
Such pretty words. He always has such pretty words for me.
“All I wanted was to keep you safe.”
“Me or the crown?”
“You,” he growls, eyes blazing, and his frustration spikes through whatever shield he’s placed between me and his emotions. “But you wouldn’t listen to me, and you came here anyway.” He shakes his head. “I had to do the best I could—the only thing I could.”
He steps closer and cups my face in one big hand, grazing his thumb across my cheek.
I close my eyes, trying not to fall under his spell. Between the gentle sweep of his calloused thumb and his heat—so close I might be warm again if I just curled into him—I’m weakening. His love for me is everything I need. It’s bigger than anything I fear, stronger than any enemy. I’d never have to be alone again if I’d just accept it. I’d— I grit my teeth. “Stop this.”
“Stop what?”
“You’re making me feel this . . . this pull. You’re projecting so I’ll stop thinking for myself.”
“I’m letting you feel what I feel. We are bonded. Whether you like it or not. Everything you feel through the bond is real. It’s part of me.”
“But you’re masking some of your emotions,” I say. “You’re choosing to let certain pieces through more than others.”
He shrugs, as if this is completely normal behavior. Maybe it is. Maybe this is how bonded pairs endure the overwhelming nature of so many emotions. Or maybe he’s just a manipulative bastard who doesn’t deserve the benefit of the doubt.
“What would’ve happened after the queen died?” I ask, grappling for reason over emotion. “How would that have changed anything?”
“What would’ve changed? There would’ve been one less threat against you. One less faerie willing to take that crown and its power at any cost.” He swallows hard. “I needed time.”
“For what?”
“Time for the prophecy to play out, time for you to love me enough to understand that I didn’t want any of this. We were falling in love.” He makes a fist and presses it to his chest. “I didn’t want to trick you out of anything. I wanted to find a way to tell you the truth. I wanted you to love me enough that you’d choose to take the potion without being cornered into it.”
“Nothing was keeping you from telling me.”
His nostrils flare. “You were falling for him. As long as Finn had a chance to trick you out of the crown, you wouldn’t be safe. That’s why we needed to bond. That’s why I deceived you—because taking the crown for myself was the only way to keep you safe, and withholding the truth was the only way you’d bond with me.”
It’s such a pretty explanation, and I want to swallow it whole, to believe that everything will be okay if we just trust each other again. But I can’t. “You knew I’d die, that the bonding ceremony would kill me.”
“I knew you’d die, and I knew you’d take the potion. I was okay with that because—”
“You were okay with it?” I seethe. The selfish faerie arrogance.
His eyes flash. “Yes. Because it meant you’d become fae—and better yet, you’d no longer be wearing a crown so many in this land would go to war for. It kept me up at night, imagining what my mother would do to you if she found out, imagining how close Finn was to gaining your trust.”
“Don’t you understand?” I whisper. “You didn’t just take the crown. You took my life. You killed me.”
Sebastian squeezes his eyes shut. “I love you.”
I shake my head. Because I know it’s true. I know he believes it. “Love means nothing without trust.”
He swallows. “I know you’re hurt right now, but do have any idea how much it broke me when you left? And you went to him? After everything?”
I frown. “Who? Misha?”
“Finn,” Sebastian growls. “You want me to understand why you can’t forgive me, but you forgave him for the same thing.”