“You can open now,” she says after a final sweep of her brush. I do in time to see her produce a necklace of tiny pearls. She loops it around my neck, and I touch my fingers to the gem Sebastian gave me.
“Should I remove this?”
Pretha shakes her head. “We all wear a fire gem somewhere. It’s expected.”
But how would Finn feel about me wearing this one if he knew it came from Sebastian? It’s probably better not to ask.
“When Oberon and Finn were at odds about Finn’s future, I worried for Finn more than anything. I understood what it was like to have your individual wants and needs destroyed by the political ambitions of your parents, and I knew how much that hurt.”
I lift my hand to the pearls. They’re as smooth as silk beneath my fingertips. “You’ve been a good friend to him.”
“He’s easy to love.” Shrugging, she fastens the clasp. “Now your hair.”
I tug on a lock that falls just past my ear, pulling it until it’s straight. “Not much you can do with it, I’m afraid.”
“You might want it pinned back. For the flowers,” she says, her eyes mischievous.
Flowers for the ceremony I still know nothing about, but rather than ask more questions, I nod and reach for my mug again. “Will you keep me company on the hike?”
She shakes her head. “No. The official journey is more of an act for newly bonded couples.”
I cough and nearly spit out my coffee. “Is that so?” I knew I needed to act like Finn’s betrothed this weekend, but I’m beginning to worry that I should’ve asked more questions about why.
“Plenty of singles trek up the mountain as well,” she says, “but the ritual is considered the prime time for matchmaking, and I’m . . .” She shakes her head. “Although it’s been long enough that I’m expected to move on, I’m not ready.”
And how could she be? She loved her husband and lost him, but never stopped loving Amira either. I can’t blame her for not inviting more heartache.
“Anyway,” she says, sliding pins into my hair, “Kane will hike alongside Juliana, and Misha, Tynan, and I will follow on horseback a little behind the official trek.”
I nod, though my mind won’t stay on the details of the day. “When did it change between Finn and Isabel?” I ask, even though Pretha seems to be done with the subject.
“What do you mean?” she asks warily.
“How did he go from rebelling against his father for her to deciding it was worth sacrificing her?” I’m so busy avoiding her gaze that I don’t even notice how quiet she’s gone until a few moments have passed. I lift my gaze and see that she’s frowning at me, something like disappointment in her eyes. I cringe, but I don’t take the question back.
“There are some stories you need to hear from Finn,” she says. “But I can tell you that whatever you’re feeling for him shouldn’t be dismissed because of what you think you know. Talk to him.”
I swallow hard, shame making my skin feel too hot and tight. “It doesn’t matter what I feel or what answers he could give me,” I say softly. “I shouldn’t trust anyone. Not anymore.”
She doesn’t speak again until she’s done with my hair, and even then she waits until I meet her eyes. “Did you ever ask yourself why Finn didn’t try to get you to bond with him that night when you were drugged?”
The heat in my cheeks turns from shame to mortification as I remember that night. The shower. My begging. “Because he knew I would’ve said no,” I say.
Pretha gives me a sad smile that seems to say she understands me better than I understand myself.
“I’m not sure that’s true.”
“I would have. I wanted Sebastian.” But I wanted Sebastian to be the male I thought he was. The male whose top priority was protecting me, not cheating me out of the crown.
“Well, you got him.” Her face twists in irritation.
“Don’t act like Finn’s reasons for wanting me were any more noble than Sebastian’s,” I growl.
“They wanted the same thing for the same reasons—still do.”
“At first that was true. At first, you were just a pretty girl who had what he needed.” Sighing, she steps back and looks me over, surveying her work. “Then you became something else.”
“Became what?”
“My friend, among other things,” she says. “And as a friend, I’ll share this with you. When my parents found out about Amira and me and sent me away, I was broken and angry. I prepared to spend my life in a political marriage and for my heart to always belong to someone else. I wasn’t prepared for Vexius. I never knew I could love two people in that way—romantically, completely, and simultaneously. My feelings for one always felt like a betrayal of the other, yet one never diminished the other.”