She can’t decide whether to tell him the truth, or some of it, or none of it. She sets his plate down. He takes a bite, chews slowly, then nods. “It tastes just like I remember.”
They eat in silence, the two of them darting looks at each other between bites. It feels awkward and familiar at the same time. He hasn’t changed all that much, though there’s a softer thickness to his body now, the kind that comes with age. There are a few lines around his eyes and mouth that weren’t there before. His hair, cut short, is still mostly black, with only a hint of gray at the temples. She wonders what he’s thinking about her. His face has always been hard to read.
She reaches for the ball cap sitting on the table beside him and examines it, running her finger along the embroidered Raptors logo.
“Think they’ll ever win a championship?” she finally asks, breaking the silence.
“Yes,” he says. “You ever think to call and say, ‘Hey, Drew, guess what, I’m not dead’？”
She puts the hat down. “I couldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I couldn’t ask you to keep that secret.”
The air fryer dings, and she gets up to retrieve the lumpia. She serves them with a store-bought sweet chili dipping sauce.
“I cook when I’m sad,” she says. “You know that.”
“I’m sorry about your husband,” Drew says. “I heard on the way over here that the murder charge against you was dropped. Still, do you mind if I ask—”
“I didn’t kill Jimmy,” Paris says. “The official cause of death is undetermined, but we believe he died by suicide.”
“‘We’？”
“The people who knew him best,” Paris says, and leaves it at that.
“I’m sorry,” Drew says again. “I understand you’re grieving, but I grieved you. Do you understand that? For nineteen years, I blamed myself for your death.”
“Why?” Of all the things she imagined him saying, him thinking her death was his fault had never crossed her mind. “The fire had nothing to do with you.”
“It would have been nice if you told me that,” he says. “I was the one who ID’d your body that night.”
She nearly chokes. “What? How?”
“I came back,” Drew says. “After we talked. You went inside, I drove away. And then I came back. There were fire trucks, police. They were loading your dead body onto an ambulance, and I looked under the tarp.”
“Oh God.” Paris stares at him. “Oh, Drew.”
“And so before we get into anything, and we are going to get into it,” he says, raising an eyebrow, “I want to start with an apology.”
“I’m sorry,” she says.
“Not you. Me.” Drew’s plate is empty, and he pushes it to the side. “I owe you an apology for the things I said to you that night. There hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought about it. All I ever wanted was to rewind and go back to those last moments in the car with you and take back everything I said. I’m sorry. For judging you when it wasn’t my place. For making you feel like shit. Do you forgive me?”
Paris can see from his face that he means every word. She swallows, and then nods. “How … how was the wedding?”
“I never got married,” Drew says. “And don’t try and change the subject. A girl died, Joey. You have some explaining to do.”
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
She tells him about Mae, and Drew doesn’t say a word the entire time she’s speaking. He’d always been a good listener. The only time he shows any kind of reaction is when she tells him that Chaz, the bouncer from the Cherry he met that night, was the one who got her the Paris Aquino ID. Drew’s face does a thing, but she doesn’t know what it means.
“I believe you,” he says when she finishes. “It’s the conclusion I came to when I fell down this rabbit hole. I figured out it was probably Vinny Tranh who killed her. What I couldn’t understand was why you set the fire. You could have just called the police.”
“And then what?” Paris asks. “The police start looking for Vinny? What if he found me before they found him? Mae hid the drugs and cash in my apartment, in a spot nobody was supposed to know about. What if Vinny thought me and Mae were in on it together?” She looks away. “I had the cash. I saw a way out. A chance at a new life. I took it. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone would miss me.”