“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it.”
Her face crumpled, and I realized what a stupid fucking thing it was to say.
“Shit. I’m sorry, baby. I’m an asshole.”
“Yeah,” she agreed, sniffing heroically.
I looked around my office. But I was a man. I didn’t keep a box of tissues handy. “Here,” I said, maneuvering us toward the couch where my gym bag sat. I yanked a t-shirt out of it and used it to mop up the tears that were ripping me to shreds inside. The fact that she let me made them a little easier to handle.
“Knox?”
“Yeah, Daze?”
“I hope someday you meet the woman who makes it all worth it.”
I nudged her chin up. “Baby, I don’t think you get it. If it wasn’t you and Way, it’s never gonna be anybody.”
“That’s really sweet and really messed up at the same time,” she whispered.
“I know.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Thanks for listening.”
I felt…different. Lighter somehow, as if I’d managed to throw open my own curtains or some shit like that.
“We good?” I asked, threading my fingers through her hair and tucking it behind her ears. “Or do you still hate me?”
“Well, I hate you a whole lot less than when I started my shift.”
My lips quirked. “Does this mean you’d be willing to stay on? Customers love you. Staff loves you. And the boss is pretty damn fond of you.”
I was more than fond of her. Holding her like this. Talking to her like this. Something was happening in my chest, and it felt like fireworks.
She pressed her lips together and brought her hands to my chest. “Knox,” she said.
I shook my head. “I know. It’s not fair to ask you to hang around when I can’t be what you deserve.”
“I don’t think my heart is safe around you.”
“Naomi, the last thing I want to do is hurt you.”
She closed her eyes. “I know that. I get it. But I don’t know how to protect myself from the hope.”
I nudged her chin up. “Look at me.”
She did as I told her.
“Talk.”
She rolled her eyes. “I mean, look at us, Knox. We both know this is going nowhere, yet we’re still literally entwined.”
God, I loved that fancy vocabulary of hers.
“I’ll be able to remind myself for a while that you can’t be with me. But sooner or later, I’m going to start forgetting. Because you’re you. And you want to take care of everybody and everything. You’ll buy Waylay a dress that she loves. Or my mom will talk you into golfing with her on the weekends. Or you’ll bring me coffee when I most need it again. Or you’ll punch my ex in the face again. And I’ll forget. And I’ll fall all over again.”
“What do you want me to do?” I asked, gathering her against me again. “I can’t be who you want me to be. But I can’t let you go.”
She cupped a hand to my cheek and stared up at me with something that looked a hell of a lot like love. “Unfortunately, Viking, those are your only two choices. Someone once told me in this very room that it doesn’t matter how shitty the options are. It’s still a choice.”
“I think that guy also told you that there’s a man out there who knew on his best day he was never gonna be good enough for you.”
She gave me a squeeze and then started to slide out of my grip. “I need to get back out there.”
It went against every instinct I had to let her go, but I did it anyway.
I felt strange. Open, exposed, raw. But also better. She’d forgiven me. I’d shown her who I really was, what I came from, and she’d accepted it all.
“Any chance I could get my dog back?” I asked.
She gave me a sad smile. “That’s between you and Waylay. I think maybe she could use an apology from you too. She’s with Liza tonight.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Naomi?”
She stopped at the door and looked back.
“Do you think if we would have carried on…I mean. If we hadn’t called it off, is it possible that you would have…” I couldn’t get the words out. They clogged my throat and closed it up.
“Yeah,” she said with a sad smile that had my insides churning.
“Yeah, what?” I pressed.
“I would have loved you.”
“How do you know?” I demanded, my voice a rasp.
“Because I already do, dummy.”