She’d tracked down what she thought was his parents’ phone number, but it’d been disconnected. She searched Google in vain, not finding anything new. She reread article after article about his trial because it made her feel closer to him. She missed her friend and continued texting him, even when he didn’t respond.
hey rye remember it’s ok to let ppl take care of you. this is exactly what you would say to me.
you matter.
i hope things are ok. i miss you and think abt you a lot. so do the cats. say hello to nashvegas.
lionel called you “my mysterious superhero” friend the other day. he’s right! he asks abt you. he’d love for you to call him!
did you ever finish prisoner of azkaban? give me yr address so I can send you a copy?
heard sam cooke today and thought of you. it was raining too. you’d be so proud of my gutters!
happy birthday rye! sending you love! <3
*
happy halloween eve, rye! sunday afternoon in louisville at the speed art museum tomorrow? a few days late, but we could celebrate your birthday! one o’clock? by the brancusi, you can’t miss it. we could make buttermilk roasted chicken.
and only if you felt up for it, we could drop by lionel’s party? he’s still having it, of course. he’s unstoppable. but i won’t make you put on a costume, i PROMISE! everyone would just like to see you.
also! i have a surprise for you. please come?
easy heart.
don’t dream it’s over.
tender loving care.
pls talk to me.
i also want to say this bc you are my friend: i love you. i do. i love you, rye and i care abt you.
rye, pls?
She left him a voice mail, too, and obsessively checked her phone for the rest of the day, praying for a response.
RYE
Dear Mom and Dad,
It’s time and this is goodbye. I’m sorrier than you know about having to write this. I don’t want to write this. I don’t want to do this. I’m so tired and nothing is working. I miss Christine too much. I miss Brenna too much. And nothing I can do will fix that. Except this. If I do this, maybe I can start over somewhere in the afterlife. Try again. I don’t want to do this. I love you both so much. I can’t express how much. You’ve never stopped being there for me and I know you never will. This shatters me and my heart is already irreparably broken. I want you to know how much I love you and how much I will miss you when I’m gone and the rest of the money is in my closet. Top right corner under my yearbooks.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i still care about you too
Tallie, Ben told me about Lionel’s accident. I tried calling. How bad is it?? Please let me know how he’s doing? I’m thinking of flying down there.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i still care about you too
Hey Joel. This is Rye Kipling. I’m deleting this email account, but I wanted to say I’m sorry for any trouble I caused. And to reassure you that your secrets are safe with me. What you wrote about Lionel and the woman in NYC, what you wrote about him knowing about you and Odette. Tallie never saw that stuff and I’ll never tell her. There’d be no point. Again, I’m sorry. I don’t know how else to end this except by saying that.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i still care about you too
I appreciate it.
Rye had been admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Nashville for a short stay after his return to Bloom. The psychiatrist his parents had found thought it best for him to have focused treatment, and Rye went willingly. After being released, he made his new home there in Nashville, cooking at a trendy new restaurant that served food on cutting boards and had more than twenty locally brewed beer options. Hipsters, tourists, industry insiders, and country music lovers kept the place popping, more than happy to spend fifteen dollars on a tiny bowl of slow-cooked collard greens and bacon.
His parents visited him often. Hunter and Savannah came to town, too. Rye held their daughter and spoke softly over her, listening and retelling them everything about Tallie and the Halloween party. How the weekend changed his heart.
Hunter and Savannah’s baby girl was Daisy Christine.
*
The picture Tallie had taken of them and the one she’d taken of herself were still on his phone. So was the one she sent him that someone had taken at Lionel’s party. He considered keeping them there forever. He loved forgetting about them, then remembering. At times he’d search Google for Tallie, not happening upon much. He’d search for Lionel, too. There’d been a small article written up in the newspaper when Lionel was released from the hospital, although he’d also been in touch with Tallie then, and she’d told him. There was another write-up about Lionel attending a ribbon-cutting ceremony after the new year and another one in the summer about his wild, sprawling home in Architectural Digest. Lionel, a pregnant Zora, and River sat on their long suede couch, smiling at the camera. Rye went out immediately and bought the print copy of the magazine, read every word about the house he’d been in, which seemed like a dream on Halloween night. The article had mentioned the accident, with Lionel saying a friend of his sister’s had basically saved his life. After Halloween, he and Lionel had texted and talked occasionally, Lionel telling him during that first conversation that he knew the truth about who he was and didn’t give a shit about any of it—Rye was his friend for life.