last call. if there’s anything else still in the house you need, just let me know. there’s a box of books and some of your old albums. i’m donating this stuff to goodwill if i don’t hear from you. there’s nothing left to say i guess.
Joel had responded:
You can give it to Goodwill. I have everything I need. And I know this is weird, awful, etc. I’ve told you it was never my intent to hurt you and trust me, I know it sounds like a load of real bullshit. I’ve asked you to forgive me, knowing how huge, undeserved and probably impossible it is. You can message me anytime you want. Odette doesn’t mind and even if she did, I wouldn’t. I don’t mean that in a nasty way. She’s fine. We’re fine. I still care about you. It doesn’t matter if I’m in Montana or that we’re not married anymore.
He clicked back to Joel’s profile, enlarged his photo. It was of him, a woman tagged as Odette, and their new baby girl. Odette had her head on his shoulder. The baby was sleeping. Joel was looking straight into the camera, and Emmett had no opinion of his face. Joel could be anyone. He scrolled through Odette’s profile, finding photos of her pert face alone, with friends, with Joel. Photos of her pregnant and smiling, photos of her holding the baby. Odette seemed so different from Tallie. He imagined Joel would’ve had to split himself in two to ever love them both.
Emmett decided against googling Tallulah Clark to let the mystery of her play out by itself. Maybe he’d google her on his way to the bridge, find out he’d spent the night with a wacko who pretended to be normal but regularly posted to dark conspiracy theory message boards using her real name. And she wouldn’t find him online. Since he wasn’t on social media, there was nothing for her to discover if she attempted to look him up, which he was sure she’d done already. Would’ve been the smart, reasonable thing for a woman to do.
Emmett opened an incognito browser tab, created an entirely new email account. He tried to think of something Tallie would choose. Looked around the living room, minimized the browser, and checked out her desktop photo. It was of Jim and Pam sleeping on the couch he was sitting on. He maximized the browser window, chose the new email name.
Talliecat. He heard it chime in his head like the chorus of the Grateful Dead’s “China Cat Sunflower.” He’d need to add some numbers, too, just in case it was already taken. He glanced at the DVDs on the shelf beside him: all the James Bond movies in a neat row, in order. Talliecat007. Password: Thur$dayOctober2nine.
He went to Facebook again, found Tallie’s profile photo, and saved it to the desktop. Uploaded it so it would show up as her photo with her new email address. He got Joel’s email address from his profile, copied and pasted it into the recipient box.
From: [email protected]
Subject: i still care about you too
hey joel, this is my new personal email address. starting fresh. i’ve been thinking about your last message and obviously i still care about you too. and thanks for letting me know it’s okay to write…when or if i need to. it’s weird not being married to you anymore. you’re montana joel. a father. you have a baby and a ponytail!
Emmett laughed at this part. He couldn’t help it. He put his finger to his lips and shushed his drunken self, which made him laugh harder. He turned to look at Tallie’s locked bedroom door, wondered if she was asleep. He walked down the hallway quietly and listened. Heard nothing but his clothes in the dryer, tumbling hot. Getting back to the email, he wrote: so i’m open to talking.
but it would be nice if you’d admit none of this was my fault and i couldn’t have done anything differently to stop it. i know better than to think i can control what anyone else does…but it would feel good to hear you say it. the way you went out and got another woman pregnant because you think i’m broken? crushing. i’m still working on my heart about it. it’s baffling how you can think you know someone…and not know them at all. maybe not even a little bit.
are you coming back to town anytime soon?
do you miss me sometimes?
He didn’t sign her name. The do you miss me sometimes? hovered there at the end, unpinned. Sent.
Tallie and Joel weren’t Facebook friends, and there wasn’t much on her page, but under “work and education” it read TLC, which Emmett thought was pretty cute. Under “family and relationships” her brother was listed: Lionel Clark. Emmett clicked on his profile, read Lionel’s announcement for a big party he was having on Saturday.