“Worried I’ll jump off?”
“No, I—”
“Well…it’s not so high up there. Wouldn’t do me any good, really,” he said, turning to look at her.
“Stop it. It’s not that. You just don’t have to do so much. You cook and do dishes…you’re a cat rescuer. I mean, wow.”
“Joel used to clean them out?” he asked, giving his attention back to the gutters.
“I guess. I never really paid attention to stuff like that. I hadn’t noticed they needed cleaning out,” she said, stepping over to look up with him.
“The rain shouldn’t be pouring off the side. It should be running smoothly through and out. Over here.” Emmett pointed with his cigarette hand. “That’s why it feels like we’re inside a car wash when we’re in the house. Because your gutters need cleaning out.”
“Oops. I didn’t know that. I kind of like the sound it makes,” she said. She liked the sound it made falling on the hood of her slicker, too. She watched the rainwater spill out of the gutters, listened to the dulcet drip-drip-dripping. “Supposed to ease up in the morning…sure…maybe you could do it then? I’ll pay you in breakfast and coffee?”
Coping mechanisms: cigarettes, fresh air, finding cats in the rain, listening to the baseball game, cleaning out gutters.
“Right on,” Emmett said. He smoked and got quiet as the baseball game stretched into the seventh inning.
*
By the time Tallie’s power was restored, the Giants had won the World Series. She and Emmett had come inside, hung up their wet things. Tallie put a towel beneath the coatrack to catch the rainwater. She opened her laptop and ordered her vitamins, donated to the nonprofit against sex slavery she’d thought about earlier. She put the kettle on while Emmett and his backpack went to the bathroom.
He’d left the backpack inside when he’d gone out on the porch. Jackpot. Tallie had unzipped it quietly in the dark, shoved her hand in, felt around, making sure there wasn’t some violent evil inside. She touched the little ring box he’d shown her. Something else wrapped in paper—a book? Books? Another small box or book and some clothes—cotton, denim, wool. Plastic bottles. She couldn’t see a thing, just felt around. Lifted the backpack with one hand to see how heavy it was—not too heavy, not too light. She put it down quick, in case he came inside.
Tallie was right about his energy—that lilac puff. She stood in her living room chewing her thumb, looking down the hallway, picturing Emmett behind her bathroom door with that backpack. He didn’t have a gun or a severed head in there. It was mostly soft things; she knew that. But she still jumped and slapped her hand to her heart when the teakettle surprised her, screaming from the kitchen.
EMMETT
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i still care about you too
Yes Tallie, I am trying. Finally. And I appreciate you saying it, because I really am. And you’re right. I should’ve treated you better—my parents remind me of that a lot. They’re not letting me off easy, just so you know. You’ve asked tough questions, but I will try my best.
My love for Odette is different, but I don’t know if I can explain it. It was a surprise. I do want to be a good man. I’m trying to be a better man. If what you’re asking is whether or not I love her more than I love you, the answer is NO. It’s just different. And I fucked it up with you. I am trying not to fuck it up with her.
It feels very strange to be a father and I don’t think it has sunk all the way in yet. I can probably answer this question a little better down the road. I can tell you I love my daughter fiercely even though at this point she just sleeps and cries. And yeah, I mean it feels weird to have a baby with a woman who isn’t you. I always thought it’d be you. Wanted it to be you. We tried so hard. You know all this.
You sound different and I mean it in a good way! I truly don’t know where we go from here, if anywhere, but I’m so glad you reached out. I’m so glad, Tallie. And I haven’t texted or talked to Lionel much since the divorce and am not sure if it’s okay for me to contact him anymore…I know he’s still pissed at me, but if you wouldn’t mind telling him I miss him. And he’ll always be my brother…even if he hates me.
I’m getting emotional writing this, so I’ll stop. But if you don’t mind, I do have a question for you. Are you seeing anyone? （Is that too weird to ask?） I’m asking because if you ARE seeing someone, I hope he treats you right. I hope he’s the complete opposite of me.