“She scared me! Pregaming for tonight,” she said. “Oh! And there’s lots of food at this party. Plenty. Which reminds me, I need to stop by the bakery for a cake. It’s Lionel’s favorite.”
Since Tallie didn’t take his hand, he didn’t want to seem too forward by initiating it. The warmth of touch comforted him; he hadn’t realized quite how much he’d missed it. She walked close, occasionally touching his shoulder to guide him to look at something she wanted him to see—a small black dog dressed as a flower, a big brown dog dressed as a pirate, pint-size twin boys dressed as skunks. And he knew she was trying to steer him away from the house with the yard filled with fake tombstones. The silly pun-names, the skeleton hands shoving up through the leaves. If people weren’t actively grieving, they’d probably never think about how hard Halloween could be on those who were. So much death. The constant reminders of where everyone ended up, never leaving them alone for even a second.
“Let’s go. These tombstones…I hate these things.” Tallie tugged his sleeve.
She took his hand as they walked to the bakery for a pumpkin spice cake with white buttercream frosting. While she was inside, Emmett went across the street to the farmer’s market, lifted a bouquet of sunflowers from its water bucket, dripped it over to the cash register. When she stepped onto the sidewalk with the cake, he took it from her, trading for the flowers.
“Aw, what for?” she asked, smiling.
“For you. And for Van Gogh.”
“Oh, yes, our sweet Vincent. Thank you, Emmett,” she said and hugged the flowers to her chest.
A fresh round of rain had sent the costumed kids and their parents scattering, golf carts slicking across the asphalt. Emmett and Tallie—hands held, hoods up—took their time walking to her house. Past the lit-up porches and pumpkins, orange welcome mats and Halloween wreaths. Tallie waved and said hello to her neighbors. They were friendly to Emmett, too, everyone, smiling and busy and it’s Halloween happy.
*
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: i still care about you too
Tallie,
I don’t feel like I’ve won. No, that’s not how this works. And thanks for answering my question of whether or not you’re seeing someone. Thanks for not making me feel like a fool for asking. （He sounds perfectly lab-created for you, btw.）
Yeah so…I want to tell you a couple things and then we can take some time off emailing, yes. If that’s what you want. Again, I want to say I appreciate you for reaching out. And I know it’s not all about me but, it really has made me feel better.
I want to confess something. Something I assume Lionel hasn’t told you.
Lionel found out about Odette and me first. He was fucking pissed and I truly thought he was going to kick my ass. Lionel can be scary. I begged him to let me tell you myself, but I was a coward and I didn’t…you found out on your own because you’re not stupid. The only reason Lionel didn’t tell you himself was because we were in the middle of our fifth IVF cycle. He said it would stress you out too much, knowing. He found out because a mutual friend of ours from the art museum told him. And I promise I didn’t know this person knew. Odette and I…well it’s not like we were openly flirting at work. Like I said, I never set out for any of this to happen.
I know you look up to Lionel and think his life is perfect, but I know some things…
He’ll hate me forever for telling you this but he confessed to me that early in their marriage, he stepped out on Zora. It was one time, when he was still half-living in NYC…a woman up there. He and Zora had only been married for a year. He confessed to her and he said their relationship has been stronger ever since. He learned his lesson and didn’t lose Zora in the process. I swore I wouldn’t say anything, so here I am breaking that promise. But the way he told me made me feel like maybe he was telling me…to encourage me into thinking if he and Zora could stay together and work something like that out, maybe you and I could too. When I moved out of the house and into Odette’s…I still held out hope you and I could…make it work somehow. I wanted to. I feel like maybe we were both considering finding a way to stay together…but everything happened so fast…and then…Odette told me she was pregnant.
I felt like it was okay to tell you this now because…well, because you really do sound happy and healed and like you’ve moved on. And I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you. Odette and I have been going to counseling and I’m learning how to be more open and honest. Therapy is essential to you/your life…and I know how much you tried to talk me into it…I’m just sorry it took all this for me to finally go.