I noted that the oxygen mask had been removed, but something else was restricting my facial muscles. I reached up to touch my cheeks and saw my hands were bandaged. I waggled my chin. My face was swathed as well, with holes for my eyes, nostrils, and mouth. I waited for a searing pain to consume me, for the flames to rise anew. Instead I felt nothing. Perhaps I was on a heavy dose of morphine. I glanced down at my body. Every visible part was covered in clean white dressing.
Still pain did not besiege me.
Have I done it? I thought wildly. Have I become immune to pain?
Already I was cooking up seminars, weeklong conferences, research studies that would methodologize what I had accomplished. I needed to package the process so my achievement could be realized by others. I was a sorceress; I had created actual magic.
I rotated my head to peer out the window. The Five stood by my side, horror-struck by whatever they saw lying in my hospital bed but trying not to show it. A couple of them held bouquets and “get well” balloons.
“We’ve already started an online fundraiser to take care of your medical bills,” said one.
“Six hundred dollars so far.”
“Plus our own thousand bucks.”
“What would I do without you, my angels?” I winced, throat on fire.
“Okay, that’s enough. Give her some space,” Gabe said from the other side of the bed. With great effort I turned to him. He gestured to the food on the tray table, careful not to touch me. “I put extra honey in the yogurt, the way you like.”
“How long did I last?”
“Let’s get some food in you.” He scooped a spoonful of yogurt, held it to my mouth. When I scowled at him, he let the spoon fall back into the plastic cup. “You have third-degree burns on seventy percent of your body.”
“Did the entire dress ignite?”
He wiped away a fat tear. “You went into cardiac arrest in the ambulance. The EMTs had to use a defibrillator to bring you back. You’re going to need skin grafts. That could mean a blood transfusion.”
We had anticipated burns, possibly a few bad ones. We had not expected defibrillators or that the fire would raze me quite this thoroughly. Still, I had, once again, proven myself fearless. I would forever have the scars to substantiate my claim.
Always, always, was I aware of the unblinking red glow of a recording device. Something Gabe never understood: the show demanded to go on. I cleared my throat. “If the next word out of your mouth is not ‘yes’ or ‘no,’ you’re fired.”
He staggered backward. “Yes. The dress burned all the way to your neck, like we planned.”
* * *
? ? ?
DAYS LATER I told Gabe to summon The Five to my hospital room.
“You’ve already done so much for me,” I said once they were assembled, “so I’m loath to ask you to do more.”
“Anything,” they chirped.
I stared gravely at each of them.
“Who here has O blood?”
One of the girls nervously raised her hand.
I studied her. “I want you to make a donation. In case I need a transfusion during surgery.”
The girl paled. “I’m terrified of needles.”
“I know it’s a big ask,” I said softly. “I wouldn’t make it if I didn’t need it.”
“The hospital must already have plenty of blood,” she stammered.
“That’s hardly the point, is it?” I cocked my head. “You all said you would do anything for me.”
“I would,” one boy said.
“I’d love to donate,” said a second girl. She turned to her friend, whose face had greened. “Think of the honor of having your blood flowing through the veins of Madame Fearless.”
They all glowered at the green girl.
“It’s an honor, for sure.” Her hands shook. “But I’ve been deathly afraid of needles my whole life.”
“Oh, come on,” one of the boys said.
I held up a hand. “All of you, leave us.” They shuffled out of the room. “You too, Gabe,” I said when he hung back.
He hesitated. “This doesn’t feel right.”
“Get out,” I said through gritted teeth. I didn’t bother to turn and catch the wounded expression I knew I would find as he marched out the door.
A woman can tolerate only so much weakness.
Once it was just the green girl and me, I patted my bed. She sat but wouldn’t meet my eye. I held her hand.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t want to disappoint you.”