He was good to me, too. My childhood, after my mother died, was enviable. I never doubted their love for me. I never doubted that he regretted leaving me with my mother. I forgave him until he wrecked our entire family so thoughtlessly.
“Maya!” Meadow calls. “Come in and have some limeade.”
The very word makes me thirsty, but I’m reluctant to be in Meadow’s company. She tipped her hand about her faith in my ability to stay sober, and I just don’t need that in my life right now.
And yet, who do I have but Meadow and Rory?
As I’m stepping out of the pool, I suddenly remember in a rush about the baby. Or maybe it’s too soon to call it a baby. Maybe it’s only a pregnancy, something distant and far away to think about rationally.
But I don’t feel rational. Or even the slightest bit conflicted, honestly. It makes me want to keep the news to myself a little while longer. I don’t want Meadow to say again, “The last thing you need is a boyfriend.”
As I pad into the kitchen on wet feet, however, the first thing out of my mouth is, “I have some news for you guys.”
“What kind of news? Did Josh give up the name?” Rory asks, handing me an icy-cold glass of limeade.
I take a long, deep drink, and it’s absolutely perfect—tart and sweet and fragrant with lime peel curled on top. “No, nothing like that.” I take a breath and settle my hand over my belly. My right hand, with the cast. “I found out yesterday that I’m pregnant.”
Both of them just stare at me. “Did you say ‘pregnant’？” Meadow finally asks.
“Yes.”
Rory reaches for my hand. “How do you feel about that?”
It’s easy to tell the truth to her beautiful blue eyes. “Kind of amazing.”
“You’re not going to keep it?” Meadow asks.
Rory hugs me, tightly. “Don’t listen to her. Just listen to you,” she says softly in my ear.
“I will.”
When she releases me, she asks, “Do you know how far along, due date, anything?”
“No. I mean, it was kind of a gigantic surprise. It’s hard to know just from ordinary life, but I’ve been sick every morning for weeks. I just thought there was something wrong with my liver.”
“Oh, you poor thing!” Rory says. “I was sick like that with Emma, and it was a shock because there was nothing with Polly at all. Saltines help.”
I nod and look at Meadow, raising my eyebrows in question.
“I’m just worried that it’s a bad time,” she says.
“Or maybe it’s the best time ever,” I say. “Maybe it’s a gift for finally getting sober.”
“But it’s only been a few months,” she says, her mouth twisting. “I mean, aren’t you worried about yourself more than a fetus? This is a delicate stretch in your sobriety.”
“Mom!” Rory says. “Think about what you’re saying.”
“No,” I say, waving a hand. “Don’t think about it, just say whatever you want whenever you want because then I really know what you really feel.”
“Maya,” she says, “that’s not fair. I’m just thinking of you.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. What if Josh wants to be mixed up in the baby’s life? How will that even work?”
“For one thing, the father is not Josh, since we didn’t touch each other for two years. I don’t know who the father is. For another, problems have solutions and I’m learning how to figure those out.”
“So it’s not Josh’s baby?” Rory asks.
I close my eyes. One of the things that was great about rehab is that there was literally nothing I could say about my behavior while drunk that would shock anyone there. Not even a little. Often the response to what would be an embarrassing story in the outside world was that somebody would tell a story that was even worse, the “that ain’t nothin’” shares, as a friend of mine called it. I wish I were there now. I wish I could say the truth and everyone would just nod, instead of giving me the slightly horrified expression I’m going to see on my sister’s face in two seconds.
“I don’t remember having sex with anybody, which doesn’t mean anything because I can’t remember a lot of things from that last couple of months.” I lift a shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. The baby is in my body, so it’s mine.”
And Rory does look mildly distressed, but it’s not horrified. It’s something else, something maybe for me, rather than against me.