Alessa backed away, her skin going cold. “What is that, Adrick?”
If she had to endure his betrayal, he needed to live with the guilt of saying it.
“You had your calling, sister. Now I understand mine. You know I’d never want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.”
Adrick flinched. “Why do you think I told you to leave today? Do you think they would have been as careful as I would? No one else would take every precaution to make sure you didn’t suffer. Don’t you see? This is your way out. You’ll be a hero, and we’ll be saved.” Tears streamed down his face. “I made it special. For you.”
She wanted to scream, to pound his chest with her fists. She wanted to cling to him and beg him to take it back. Instead, she remained perfectly still, barely breathing.
Adrick placed the small blue bottle into her palm and wrapped her gloved fingers around it.
She stood there, staring at her closed fist between his hands. It was the most contact they’d had in years.
“Are you going to force it down my throat?” she whispered.
His eyes closed. “No. I know you’ll do the right thing.”
Dante darkened the doorway. “Time’s up.”
“Goodbye, little sister.” Adrick swiped at his eyes. “I’ll make sure no one ever forgets your sacrifice.”
Adrick left, and Dante approached, brows knit. “What was that about?”
Oh, now he was concerned? After he’d thrown their friendship in her face, he expected her to rip her wounds wide open for him? “Like you care.”
“I didn’t mean the stuff I said.”
“Save it. I don’t want to talk to you.”
She ran to the French doors at the end of the kitchens and threw them open.
A frigid wind whipped her skirts around her legs, and icy rain pelted her face. Despite her gloves, her fingertips stung as soon as she stepped outside.
“Bad night for a stroll,” Dante said behind her.
“I need to think.”
“Unpleasant spot for it.”
“Unpleasant company isn’t helping. If you want to finish this job, do it. But be a shadow.” If he didn’t want to be her friend, he could be her enemy. That seemed to be all she had left anyway.
“Can I say something?”
“No.” It felt delicious to shoot him down.
Ice coated the branches, encasing the trees like glass sculptures. Shivers shook her, but she kept walking.
Dante dogged her footsteps. “I’m trying to apologize.”
“Don’t bother.”
He sighed heavily. “Look. People usually try to kill me when they find out. I panicked.” He blocked her path, his gaze intent beneath eyelashes glittering with ice. “Will you please come inside?”
“No.”
He growled in frustration. “I’ll do it, okay? I’ll let you practice on me.”
“Why? You don’t care about Saverio.”
“I’m not offering to help Saverio. I’m offering to help you.”
She closed her eyes. “Forget it. It was a ridiculous idea. You don’t even have a gift I can use.”
“What do you want?” Dante demanded.
The frigid rain dripped down her cheeks like tears. “To be left alone.”
“Not now. In general. You say you want to be a hero, but you’re real quick to play the victim. You say you want friends, but you won’t forgive me. You say you want my help, but you won’t take it. So, what is it?”
She gestured to the high wall around the garden, at everything it kept her from. “To save Saverio. That’s what the Finestra is meant to do.”
“I didn’t ask what everyone wants from you. I asked what you want.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I think you’re scared.”
She rolled her eyes. “A swarm of demons is coming, and I have to protect us. Who wouldn’t be scared?”
“No, that’s not it. You’re scared of losing yourself.”
“I’m supposed to lose myself. My name, my family, my life.”
“Exactly. And you don’t want to. Can’t blame you, but you need to decide what you get out of this, if you’re going to pull it off. So, what do you want?”
“I want it all to go away!” She whirled away from him. “I want to stop being brave and alone. I want a hug when I’m sad, like a normal girl with a home and a family. I want to hold hands and kiss in dark alleys and swim naked in the ocean and do every other silly little thing I never realized I might never get to do.”