揧ou were gonna let me stumble on the Heart??
Circe pressed the back of her head into the wall. 揑 don抰 know what I was thinking. It抯 my responsibility. I knew it wasn抰 right to try and pass it off on you, but I wanted to put the burden down, Briseis. You have no idea how badly I wanted that.?She stretched her legs out in front of her and pulled her wrap forward, tucking her stray coils under it. 揟he pressure of continuing a tradition that抯 been going on for thousands of years. I抦 supposed to give up my life, people I love棓
揕ike Dr. Grant??I asked.
Circe抯 eyebrows arched up. 揥hat? Hold on. What did she say to you??
揘othing,?I said quickly. 揝he didn抰 say anything but it抯 kind of obvious.?The way Circe had spoken to Dr. Grant梡eople only do that when there抯 a history there, when feelings are still involved.
Circe shrugged. 揧es. Like Khadijah. She was梚s梑rilliant. I loved her. I still do. But after Selene died I just kind of cut myself off from everybody. The grief was so heavy. You can抰 understand.?
揑 do understand.?
She turned and looked me dead in the face. 揑抦 sorry. I wish you didn抰。 I wish for that more than anything.?
We sat in silence for a minute before I worked up the nerve to ask the only real question I had. 揑抎 like to know why she chose adoption,?I said. 揥hy, if this is our responsibility, the task only we can do, why try to keep me from it??
She sighed and let her arms flop to her sides. A glass half-full of red wine tipped over and splashed across the floor. She looked at it and laughed.
揧ou抮e sixteen and a few months,?Circe said. 揧ou probably don抰 even know that you can抰 get drunk yet.?
揌uh??
She laughed lightly. 揂 very unwelcome side effect of this power. You take something intoxicating into yourself and neutralize its effect. Alcohol is a byproduct of plants, and we are immune to its effect.?
My ex-best friend, Gabby, and I had shared a wine cooler once, and she was so tipsy she couldn抰 stand up. I was sure she was faking it because I didn抰 feel anything at all, but maybe there was more to it.
揑 still try.?Circe tapped the wineglass. 揃ut it抯 just expensive grape juice to me.?She sighed and tipped her head back. 揝elene was funny. She had a comeback for everything. She loved music. She was stubborn and beautiful and I miss her so much it hurts.?She clutched her chest like her heart was breaking all over again. 揝he chose adoption because she understood fully that what we do, what we are, has brought so much loss, so much pain, she wanted to try and keep you from it. I think we both understood that you had gifts and no matter where you were they抎 probably manifest themselves. But it was your safety that concerned Selene most. She wanted you to be far from here so that the people who抳e been trying to get their hands on the Heart wouldn抰 hurt you.?She laughed drily. 揑 didn抰 know she抎 allowed you to keep the name she gave you. I didn抰 know it was an open adoption.?Tears streamed down her face. 揗aybe there was a part of her that hoped you抎 find your way back here someday, too. But I know she wouldn抰 have wanted it to be like this.?
揧ou don抰 want me to stay??I asked. It was just a question, but in that moment I realized that I wanted her to tell me she wanted me to stay.
Circe turned to me. 揑 don抰 know if that抯 what I want.?
Her bluntness stunned me. I leaned away from her. 揜ight.?
I moved to get up, and she gently pulled me back to sitting. 揑f staying here means you can抰 be safe or happy, then no. I don抰 want you to stay. But if it can be a haven for you, then I want you to stay forever.?She looked down into her lap like she was embarrassed. 揌ave you seen pictures of her??
揑 found an album in the house. She was pregnant with me in a couple photos.?
揝he made me take those pictures like she was modeling for a magazine or something.?Circe smiled in a way that told me she had that specific memory in her mind抯 eye. 揝he was everything to me.?She shook her head and climbed to her feet, holding out her hand to me. I took it and she pulled me up with the strength of a normal human being, which relieved me a little too much.
揧ou抮e here,?Circe said. 揂nybody ever tell you what抯 for you will always be for you??
I nodded. 揗y grandma.?
揝mart woman,?said Circe. 揧ou抮e here, and the Heart has already stolen something from you. Its existence has taken a mother from you, twice. I don抰 expect you to want anything else to do with it.?
揑 wish I抎 never laid eyes on it.?All I could see in my head was Mom抯 face. I swallowed the urge to cry. 揃ut I can抰 go back. Like you said, I抦 here. So what do we do now??
Circe stared at the spot in the ground where the Heart had been rooted. She turned her attention to the glass enclosures. Taking a key from her pocket she opened the first small door. I didn抰 move as she reached in and withdrew a flat stone, red as rose petals and about as big around as her palm.