“You’re just realizing that?” Holmes asks.
“Bro, we’ve known for a while,” Posey adds. “We’ve just been waiting for you to realize it. And you did for a second before you got back with Sarah this season, which we all agreed was a huge mistake on your part.”
“I thought you guys liked her,” he says.
“Not after the way she manipulated you,” Holmes says. “I think it’s good you’re trying to clear your head up here. It will be healthy to finally break away from her.”
“Facts,” Posey says while pulling a sandwich from a bag next to him. He holds it out to us. “Bologna, anyone?”
“Christ, how can you eat that?” I ask.
“Easy.” He takes a bite and smiles at us while chewing.
“You’re sick,” Taters says and then turns back to me. “So . . . it’s safe to say that things are getting serious with Penny. You like her.”
“A lot,” I answer. “And I’m going to see where that feeling for her takes me.”
“Have you found out what you’re having?” Posey asks.
“Yup.” I smile.
“Wait, you have?” Holmes asks, looking more lively than ever.
“And you haven’t told us?” Posey bellows. “Dude, that’s some messed-up shit.”
“Why haven’t you said anything?” Taters asks.
“Because we’re just keeping it to ourselves right now.”
“That’s some bullshit,” Posey says, mouth full of bologna. “How do I know what kind of presents I should get you?”
“You’re going to get me presents?” I ask with a raise of my brow.
“We’re not assholes,” Taters says. “Of course we’re going to get you stuff. Blakely invited us to the baby shower, so we’re not going to show up empty-handed. And it would be helpful if we had some direction.”
I chuckle. “I can’t imagine you three walking around a baby store, picking stuff out.”
“Why the hell not?” Posey asks, offended. “We know things about babies.”
“Oh yeah? What do you know?”
“Uh . . . that they shit,” Taters says.
“They take naps,” Holmes offers.
“They suck on boobs,” Posey adds. “Basically, they’re mini versions of us.”
“Well put.” Taters gives him a nod.
“That’s awkwardly accurate,” Holmes says.
“Oh, yeah?” I say. “When was the last time you’ve sucked on a boob?”
Holmes shifts in his seat. “Doesn’t matter.”
Posey thumbs toward Holmes. “Talk about blue balls. I walked in on this guy taking a shower during the season, and his balls were like two mini Violet Beauregardes hanging from his junk. The hue of his balls was frightening.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Holmes says, kicking at Posey, who’s laughing now. “Just haven’t been into that shit recently.”
“You haven’t been into fucking anyone? Wow, interesting.” Taters shakes his head.
“I’ve been dealing with things, don’t have time for that.”
Whispering, Posey says, “Yeah, dealing with things, aka, crushing on someone who has a boyfriend.”
“Dude, shut the actual fuck up,” Holmes seethes.
Taters and I both whip our heads to look at Holmes, who, even in the light of the fire, is blushing.
“Holmes, you crushing on someone?” I ask.
He’s practically trying to murder Posey with his eyes, and it’s not affecting him at all as Posey gleefully eats his bologna sandwich.
“Who is it?” Taters asks.
“No one’s goddamn business.” Holmes leans toward Posey and says, “I swear to God, if you tell anyone, I’ll murder you.”
Posey pretends to zip his lips and toss away the key.
“Well, we have one clue,” Taters says. “She’s attached. Who do we know that has a boyfriend?”
“It has to be in our circle,” I say. “Because Holmes never goes out.”
“Could be someone in his building, though, like a neighbor.”
“True.” I nod. “Has he worked with anyone recently that could have caused him to form a crush?”
“Can we stop talking about this?” Holmes asks.
“Uh, not that I recall,” Taters says, ignoring Holmes completely. “He’s only been working with Penny . . .” He trails off, and Holmes quickly holds up his hands.