Unprotected strike zone, that’s your problem, man.
And before I can stop myself, I whip my leg back and then toss it forward, right into his junk. “Don’t you dare try to choke me over a shoe,” I yell out as a war cry.
A loud gurgling sound echoes against the walls, followed by a slow descent to the ground. His knees hit first, and then his body as he cripples over on his side.
Huzzah!
Thou shall not battle the holy one in gestation.
She might be nauseous, and she very well might have enough indigestion to burn down a thousand buildings at night, but she is mighty, and she knows how to pack a solid blow to the very nutsac that put her in this position.
“Holy . . . fuck,” he groans, cupping his sensitive niblets. “Why?”
“Why?” I blink down at him. “Uh, I wasn’t about to allow you to choke me over a shoe.”
“Choke . . . you?” he asks, still groaning. “Fuck, Penny. I was going to ask if you were okay. Why would I choke you?”
Um . . . what was that?
Blinks
He was going to ask if I was okay?
Hmm . . . where did I go wrong?
“Fucking Christ,” he groans some more, now covering his eyes with his arm.
Well, now I feel kind of bad.
With my toe, I nudge his shoulder. “You okay, sailor?”
“Does it look like I’m okay?” he shoots back, rage and pain lacing his every word.
“Not really, but I wasn’t sure if you were dusting off your acting chops.”
Red in the face, neck muscles bulging, he looks up at me and says, “I’m not fucking acting.”
I nod continuously as my hands twist together. “Okay, noted. Not acting. Got it. Well, then. I guess this was all just a silly misunderstanding.” I attempt a laugh, but it comes out strangled.
He takes a few deep breaths and then slowly sits up, but still clutching his crotch. “Fuck,” he mutters before one more deep breath. After a few seconds, he looks up at me. “Why would I want to choke you?”
“Uh . . .” I toe the ground. “Angry about the shoe?”
“You think I’m going to choke a pregnant woman over a shoe?”
“I don’t know!” I toss my arms up in the air. “Who knows the kind of anger levels you might have. I’m still getting to know you, and honestly, from what I’ve seen on the ice, you have a temper. How do I know it doesn’t carry into the household? These are things we need to learn about each other, Eli.”
He pinches his brow, clearly still suffering in pain. “Penny, for your future reference, please know, I’ll never . . . ever try to choke you or physically harm you in any way. Got it?”
I tap the side of my head. “Yes. Logging that nugget in. Good to know.”
“Jesus.” He takes the next minute to stand to his feet, moving entirely too slow if you ask me. Does it really hurt that bad? Or are men just weak? After another deep breath, he looks me in the eyes, and the anger has disappeared as he says, “Penny, you threw up in my shoe. Are you okay?”
“It’s just a shoe, Eli. It’s not like I threw up on your dog . . . wait . . .” I tilt my head to the side and say, “Did you ask if I was okay?”
“Yes.” He lessens the space between us despite the evident pain he’s still in. “You threw up, and you haven’t done that yet. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
He’s not concerned about his shoe?
He doesn’t think I just tainted his bad luck?
He doesn’t want to choke me?
He actually cares about me more than his shoe?
That’s . . . well . . . that’s just the nicest thing.
Tears well up in my eyes and cascade down my cheeks in seconds. “I’m more important than your shoe,” I say.
“Hell, of course you are, Penny.” He lets out a frustrated breath. “Why would I think my shoe is more important than you?”
“It’s your special shoe that you like to wear when we play the Freeze, and I took that away from you. And not only did I take it away but I also did inconceivable things inside said shoe.”
“It’s just a shoe.” He reaches up and swipes away my tears with his thumbs. “I’m more concerned with how you’re feeling.”
Of course he is, because not only is he beyond gorgeous, but he’s considerate as well.
Great. Just freaking great!
More tears.
I can’t stop them. I can’t control them. I can’t even tell myself that everything is okay. It’s as if I have lost any authority over my body.