Hands crossed at my chest, I ask, “And what sort of state would you be referring to?”
He gestures up and down my body. “This insane state where you’re clearly losing it.”
My fingers drum along my biceps as I maintain my crossed position. Head tilted down, I say, “Has anyone ever told you not to call a pregnant woman insane?”
When I glance up at him, I can see the panic in his eyes, which, of course, makes me laugh. And for some reason, I can’t seem to stop myself. I close the space between us, and I wrap my arms around him while chuckling.
“Don’t worry, I’m not about to bite your head off before you leave.”
I press my cheek to his chest, and stiffly, he returns the hug. “Well, that’s good.” He’s coming off as awkward, and it’s probably because I’m holding him, and we don’t normally hold each other.
But I can’t seem to let go. The baby is forcing me to do this, to keep my hold on him.
The baby is soaking him up.
His strength.
His delicious smell.
His stiff but warm embrace.
After a few more seconds, he finally pulls me in tighter. I relish in the feel of him holding me tightly. I haven’t really given it a lot of thought before this moment, but being held by Eli reminds me that I haven’t had much human touch through the whole thing. As much as I love living on my own, I often miss human contact.
This, right here—hugging him—it feels right.
It feels comforting.
Needed.
He rubs my back and quietly says, “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Just needed a hug.”
That causes him to pull away just slightly so he can look me in the eyes. “If you needed a hug, you should have asked.”
“I’m going to awkwardly take it instead.”
“That works too.” He squeezes me close to him again. “We’re both going through something incredibly different. If that means you need a hug, then don’t hesitate to ask.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
He continues to rub my back until I realize I’m going to make him late, so I let go of him and take a step back.
“You good?” he asks me.
“Yes, I’m good. Thank you.”
He nods. “Okay, I’ll call you when I get to my hotel room.” He reaches out and tilts my chin up. “I’ll talk to you later.”
Why do I feel so needy right now? I don’t want him to leave. I want him to sit on the couch with me again, my legs draped over him, just talking about everything and nothing. I want to listen to his deep voice as he tells me about his upcoming hockey game, and I want to watch the way he tugs on his hair when I compliment his skills. I want him to stay here, with me, close to me . . .
Tears well in my eyes, and I curse my godforsaken hormones for not being able to keep it together.
“What’s wrong?” he says, immediately picking up on the walking disaster in front of him.
I swipe at my eyes. “Ugh, hormones. I’m fine.”
He makes a strangled noise in his throat and then pulls me back into a hug. “Please don’t cry. I already feel guilty leaving you. You crying is just going to make it worse.”
“It’s not me crying. It’s the baby unfairly controlling how I feel. You put the baby in there. Blame yourself.”
He chuckles and kisses the top of my head. “I’ll fully take the blame for this.” He lifts my chin when he pulls away, and our eyes connect.
Mine watery.
His full of concern.
“I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.”
“Make sure you answer.”
“I will.”
“Okay.” He heaves a sigh and then picks up his bag. “Let me know if you need anything.” He offers me a wave, which I return.
“Kick some ass, Hornsby.” When he pins me with a glare, I chuckle and say, “Kick some ass, Eli.”
“Better.”
And then he leaves, the door softly clicking behind him.
I fall back on the couch and drape my arm over my eyes. God, I’m in so much trouble.
Because I can’t decide if I like Eli or if it’s the hormones. Either way, my body is reacting to him in a way that I can’t control, and I know it’s only a matter of time before this tight hold I have on my emotions and needs will slip.
The cool, sweet feel of a pint of Cherry Garcia rests on my chest as I delight in the comedic styling of Melissa McCarthy rolling around on a car. I love her so much. If I could be friends with a celebrity, I’d choose her. She’s not only funny but also down to earth and very kind. I feel akin to her in a way that is so strong I have the temptation to message her on Instagram and ask her if she wants to be my friend.