His lies are like validations: You’re too weak to trust, Loren.
You’re just a little fucking kid.
Why would I tell you anything important?
“Hey guys!”
I rotate a fraction and spot Daisy waving as she walks down the red dirt, an unmarked path where giant rocks dot the landscape.
The sun has risen halfway in the sky, shade leaving us, sweltering my already boiling body. I watch Ryke approach, his unshaven jaw hardening the minute he meets my harsh gaze. Confusion coats his face for a brief second, and hate builds inside of me, prepared to launch it right at him.
My fingers curl into a fist. My heart is ripping to shreds. He just walks. Like nothing’s wrong. It’s my fault in the end, I remember. For trusting someone I shouldn’t have. For letting him in.
I’m the real fool.
“Love the hair, Dais,” Lily says, her voice spiking in fear.
They’re nearer. I fume, my muscles taut, stretched to the max. My feet move before my head does. A target right on my brother. I aim for him.
Ryke stops and puts a hand on Daisy’s shoulder. “Daisy,” he says. “Go to your sisters.”
“Ryke—”
“Fucking go,” he growls.
She takes a few steps back, but she never joins Lily and Rose who stay beside a flat rock with Connor.
This isn’t just about Daisy. It’s so much more complicated than that.
“Lo.” He raises his hands, already telling me to stand down. If I was anyone else, he would hit me. He would punch me. He would throw his whole weight into my body and pin me to the ground. I am sick of being treated like a broken toy.
I am a goddamn human being. When will I ever be worthy of the truth?
“What’s wrong?” Ryke asks. “Let’s talk about this.”
We’re so close. Ten feet away. “You wanna talk about it?” I say, my voice layered with too many emotions to untangle. “I gave you a million fucking chances to talk about it. I’m so done talking with you.” I reach him, and I don’t hesitate. I can’t.
My fist pounds into his jaw. I rarely fight like this, but I just want him to put me on his level. For once. I knee him in the stomach, and he staggers, falling to the ground.
Ryke coughs, gripping the dirt.
Fight me.
“Lo, stop!” Daisy screams. She tries to rush us, but Connor grabs her around the waist and pulls her back with her sisters.
I can’t stop. Penance—that’s what I am to him. For all those years he never met me. I’m his way into heaven. Do right by me and all of his sins are absolved.
That’s why he sticks around.
Something cold drills straight through me, and I punch Ryke in the face again. He turns his head and spits blood on the dirt.
“Lo, calm down!” Lily screams. I don’t look behind me.
I just hit him again, my knuckles aching as they slam into his jaw, praying that he’ll get up. Get up. And punch me back.
“Hit me,” I sneer.
Ryke’s fingernails scrape the red dirt, almost clenching into a fist. His gaze stays fixed on the ground, his muscles tense like mine. And yet, his hands start to relax. He’s talking himself out of it.
“Come on!” I yell, my eyes burning, water brimming. “I’ve seen you beat the shit out of guys twice the size of me. I know you want to punch me.” I step towards him. Treat me like I deserve to be treated. Treat me like I can handle this shit. “Fight back!”
He staggers to his feet, his face beaten. “I won’t.”
I slam my palms into his chest, shoving him hard.
He holds his hands up in surrender. “Lo—”
I sock him in the jaw. Again. He stumbles but stays upright.
“STOP IT!” Daisy cries, her strangled voice pitching.
I can hear Lily sobbing. It breeds more pain inside of me, clawing to get out. I can’t back down. Not now. I point an accusatory finger at Ryke. “You’re a goddamn coward.”
His lips press closed, darkness clouding his eyes.
“You’re so fucking scared to talk to our dad,” I say coldly. “You’re so scared to talk to your own mom.” I barrel forward, and he actually steps back, keeping distance between us. I’ve never seen him do this. The aggression still exists in him; he just refuses to use it on me.
“What do you want me to say?” he growls. Anything you feel. “I’m fucking scared?” He points at his chest. “I’m fucking scared, Lo!” His eyes are bloodshot. “I’m so fucking scared they’re going to manipulate me into loving them when all I want to do is forget!”