I sit there, not moving, not saying anything. I don’t know how long it takes before I finally get out of the car. My eyes scan the road, but it’s empty. I wish I had said something to her, but I don’t even know what I feel or how to word it. I’m not used to any of this.
A black car pulls up next to me. The rear window rolls down and the scent of expensive perfume hits my nose.
“What are you doing out here, honey?” my mother asks as a false smile forms on my lips.
“I just went for a run.”
“As athletic as ever. Come into the house, I’ve missed you.”
“Of course you missed us.”
She decides to ignore my sarcasm. “Let’s go.”
She rolls up the window, and the car continues into the driveway. With my heart clenched, I take one last look at the street and return to the house.
It’s for the best, I keep repeating over and over inside my head.
I have to greet my parents, the beings who made me the way I am, the ones who are to blame for the fact that I can’t tell the girl I just lost how I feel about her, and that it’s the first time I’ve felt this way.
Ah! Shit! I let out a long sigh and walk into the house.
- RAQUEL -
I keep replaying the moment when I woke up and looked for him, thinking he had gone for breakfast. I was about to go downstairs when I heard him talking to Claudia.
Tell her I had to go out and I won’t be back until late, he said with what sounded like annoyance in his voice. Tell her to go home.
I grimace, feeling the burning pavement under my bare feet, but that pain is no comparison to the one I feel inside.
I was such an idiot.
I can’t stop crying, I can’t stop the tears, and it just makes me feel even more pathetic. I thought this time would be different, and I really believed it. How could I have been so stupid? He would say anything to get inside my pants; that’s all he wanted. How could I let him do this to me again and again?
I think back to his genuine smile, how we talked and laughed yesterday in his bed playing that stupid game, and what we did afterward. I trusted him. And he took that trust and shattered it along with my heart. He didn’t even have the decency to tell me face to face. I wasn’t important enough. He just sent his maid to get rid of me.
Ares can hurt me like no one else, but it’s my fault for giving him that power over me. Ares knows I’m crazy about him and uses that to take advantage of me like the jerk he is. All this time I haven’t really wanted him out of my life. I’ve given him chances, believing in his earnest eyes, and hoping that there is something good behind his facade. But no more.
As I get closer to the house, I thank God it’s Sunday, and I don’t have to go to school feeling like shit. I’m surprised to see Dani in the driveway ringing the doorbell. She’s wearing a loose summer dress, with her long black hair tied up in a ponytail and sunglasses on her face. She looks impatient. I know she hates the heat. I try to call out to her, but I can’t. The words stick in my throat, and I want to cry again. My lips tremble as she turns and sees me.
She takes off her glasses, and her face tightens in concern. She hurries over to me and grabs me by the shoulders. “What happened? Are you okay?”
I just manage to nod.
“God, let’s go inside.”
In my room, I don’t bother to hold back my tears, not anymore. I sit on the floor against the wall and cry. Dani sits next to me, saying nothing, just sitting there, and that’s all I need. I don’t need words of encouragement, I just need her to be there, next to me.
I need to let it all out. I need to get this pain out of my chest, and I feel that by crying I can externalize it so that it never hurts like this again. There is something therapeutic in crying with all my heart. There is a certain peace that comes afterward.
Dani slips her arm behind me and grabs me so that I rest my head on her shoulder. “Let it out. That’s it. I’m here.”
I cry until I have no more tears, and my nose is so stuffed up that it’s hard to breathe. The peace settles over me. Dani kisses my head.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I push myself away from her and straighten up, pressing my back against the wall. I wipe away my tears and blow my nose. I tell her everything.
Dani’s face turns red with rage. “Fucking jerk! Argh!”
I don’t say anything.
She blows an unruly strand of hair out of her face. “I want to punch him in his stupid face. Can I? Just one punch and I’ll run. He won’t even notice.”