I don’t care about him, I don’t care about him, I keep repeating to myself. Dani gives Apolo a kiss on the cheek, telling him how cute he is, and he just blushes, lowering his head. I shake my head, and then I see him. Ares walks past with a tall, slender brunette with wavy hair. He doesn’t even look around; he just continues on his way through the crowd until he reaches the stairs. He walks up them with her, both of them laughing together.
My stomach drops. I know what people go upstairs to do in those rooms. Judging by the look the brunette was giving him, she really wants him. Jealousy gnaws at me, and then I realize that he really doesn’t care about me. Just seeing him with that girl makes me feel like my heart is going to explode, and imagining him kissing her turns my stomach. Yet he saw Yoshi kissing me and didn’t care; he didn’t even look surprised.
That’s the big difference between him and me. I feel everything, and he feels nothing. I’m the only one in love. It’s always been that way with him. So why am I torturing myself like this? I have to get him out of my mind and out of my heart. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I don’t want to feel hurt and disappointed.
I take Yoshi’s glass and drink until it’s completely empty. Everyone looks at me in surprise. So much alcohol all at once makes me dizzy for a second, but it passes, and I grab Dani’s glass and do the same, but she stops me halfway through.
“Hey, calm down, there’s no hurry!”
I hand her back her glass, breathing heavily after drinking so much in one gulp. “I’m sorry, I got excited.”
She gives me a skeptical look. “Are you all right?”
I force a smile, but the image of Ares with that girl is burned into my mind. “I’m doing great.”
My ears get hot, as does my face. Remember the qualities of alcohol? Feeling brave, I take Yoshi’s hand and stand up, forcing him to stand with me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Yoshi says to me in surprise.
“We’ll be right back,” I tell Dani and Apolo, pulling Yoshi behind me.
Climbing the stairs is harder than it looks, especially if the world is spinning. I hold on tight to the railing, and with the other hand I keep pulling Yoshi, who lets out a confused chuckle.
“Where are we going, Rochi?” he asks. We reach the top of the stairs and find a dark hallway full of doors on either side.
“Let’s have fun, like him—like everyone else,” I say quickly, but Yoshi is so drunk he doesn’t notice.
Inevitably, I imagine Ares behind one of those doors, making out with that brunette, his hands touching her, making her reach a delicious orgasm. My stomach churns, and I gag. I stagger across the hallway with Yoshi following me. I pick a door at random because I know fate won’t be so cruel as to make me enter the room Ares is in.
It’s a small room with a single bed. I don’t bother to turn on the light. The light from the moon is bright enough to see everything. I grab Yoshi by the shirt and throw him on the bed. I close the door, giggling like a fool, playing with the edge of my shirt.
“Yoshi . . .”
Yoshi just mumbles. “What are you doing, Rochi?”
“What do you think?” I try to move seductively toward the bed, but I stagger so much that I have to hold on to the wall.
Yoshi lifts his hand to wag his finger back and forth. “No, Rochi, you’re drunk, not like that.”
“You’re drunk, too, you fool.”
I focus on trying to pull my shirt off over my head, but it doesn’t go past my neck before I get tangled up, crash into the wall, and fall. I get up as fast as I can, still wobbly. “I’m fine!”
The only response is a loud snore. I give Yoshi a death glare, lowering my shirt back into place.
“Are you serious?” I growl in frustration and pinch his leg. “Yoshi? Come on, wake up! Yoshi!”
Frustrated, I leave the room and lean against the door. I see a light at the end of the hall—no, I’m not dead—and I head toward it. I hear all sorts of sounds as I walk down that hall that I do my best to ignore. I stop in front of a white-framed door with square panels of glass, and I open it because that’s where the light is coming from.
It’s a balcony, and it’s empty.
Or so I think. I close the door behind me, and I can see someone leaning on the balcony railing to my right, cigarette smoke rising above him. I can only see his back, but I know it’s him, and my heart knows it too and beats like the masochistic idiot it is.
Ares.
I don’t move, my mouth is dry, my tongue feels heavy, but I think that’s from the alcohol. He looks over his shoulder at me and doesn’t seem surprised to see me. In fact, there’s no expression on his face, the same as a few hours ago. I don’t know why, after thinking about him all night and looking for him constantly, that now that I have him a few steps away from me, I want to run away.