I frown. “How do you know?”
He looks up at me, and a mischievous smile forms on his lips. “Do you think you’re the only stalker here?”
What?
I decide to ignore his response and focus on trying to get him out of here before Yoshi decides to visit me, or Mom comes back early and World War III breaks out. Maybe if he says what he came to say, he’ll go away.
“Okay, you’re in. What do you want?”
Ares runs his hand over his face. “I want to talk to you.”
“Speak up then.”
He opens his mouth, but closes it again, as if unsure about what he wants to say. I’m about to tell him to go away when he says three words that take my breath away, three words I never expected to hear from him, not now, not ever.
“I hate you.”
His tone is serious, his expression cold.
The statement takes me by surprise. My heart and my eyes burn, but I act as if I am unaffected.
“Okay, you hate me, got it. Is that all?”
He shakes his head, a sad smile dances on his lips. “My life was so fucking easy before you, so manageable, and now,” he points at me, “you’ve complicated everything, you . . . you’ve ruined everything.”
My stomach tightens, and tears blur my vision.
“You came all the way to my house to tell me that? I think you’d better leave.”
He wags his finger at me. “I’m not finished.”
“But I think you are, so get out.”
“Don’t you want to know why?”
“I destroyed your life. I think you’ve made that clear, now get the hell out of my house.”
“No.”
“Ares . . .”
“I’m not leaving!” He raises his voice, standing up, and that ignites my anger. “I need this, I need to tell you. I need you to know why I hate you.”
“Why do you hate me, Ares?”
“Because you make me feel. You make me feel, and I don’t want to.” That leaves me speechless, but I don’t show it, and he goes on. “I don’t want to be weak. I swore not to be like my father and here I am, being weak in front of a woman. You made me like him. You make me weak and I hate it.”
My anger dominates my words. “If you hate me so much, what the hell are you doing here? Why don’t you leave me alone?”
He raises his voice again. “Do you think I haven’t tried?” He lets out a harsh laugh. “I’ve tried, Raquel, but I can’t!”
“Why not?” I challenge, approaching him.
He opens his mouth and closes it, clenching his jaw. His breathing is coming fast, and so is mine. I lose myself in the intensity of his eyes, and he turns his back to me, running his hands through his hair.
“Ares, you have to go.”
He turns just enough to face me in profile, with his eyes fixed on the ground.
“I thought this shit would never happen to me. I avoided it, but it still happened to me . . . I don’t know if this is what it’s supposed to feel like, but I can’t deny it anymore.” He turns completely toward me, looking defeated. “I’m in love, Raquel.”
I stop breathing and my mouth drops open.
He smiles like a fool. “I’m so fucking in love with you.”
Did I hear him right? Did Ares Hidalgo just say he was in love with me? He didn’t say he wanted me or that he wanted me in his bed. He said he was in love with me. I can’t say anything. I can’t move. I can only look at him. I can only see those cold walls fade in front of me.
And then I remember the story . . .
His story . . .
What he shared with me that night I was drunk.
The memory is a blur, but his words are clear. He had found his mother in bed with a man who was not his father, and his father had forgiven the infidelity. Ares had lived it all, seen it all. His father had been his pillar, seeing him weak and crying had been a heavy blow to him.
I don’t want to be weak. I don’t want to be like him. . . .
I understand him now. I know it doesn’t justify his actions, but at least it explains them. My mother always told me that who we are depends a lot on the way we were raised and what we experienced in our childhood and early adolescence. Those are the years when we’re like sponges, absorbing everything.
And then I see that the guy in front of me isn’t the cold, arrogant jerk I first talked to through my window; he’s just a guy who had a rough start. A boy who doesn’t want to be like the person he used to admire, who doesn’t want to be weak. A vulnerable guy, angry because he doesn’t want to be vulnerable. And who does? To fall in love with someone is to give them the power to destroy you.