Without thinking twice, I leave Samy behind and look for Raquel all over the place.
She’s not here.
Despair comes over me as my mind begins to analyze every detail of the night, especially her nervous look, and how she looked for me with her eyes. Now I realize that her disappointment and sadness were so obvious on her face. Well, fuck, talk about realizing things a little too late. Out of breath, I walk out of the bar, my eyes desperately searching for her. I pray she hasn’t left, though I wouldn’t blame her. I’ve ruined everything . . . again.
Outside, there are two or three people smoking. I look at both sides of the street, it’s empty.
No . . .
She couldn’t have left.
I know that if I don’t talk to her now, I’ll lose her. She’s already forgiven me so many times. I know that no matter how big her heart is, it won’t be able to forgive me one more time. Running my hand through my hair, I take one last look at my surroundings, searching for her.
Raquel, where are you?
THIRTY-FIVE
The Friend
- RAQUEL -
What a night!
Everything has become so complicated since Ares came into my life. He’s been like a little hurricane, destroying everything in his path. He’s had his sweet moments, but those are overshadowed by all the times he’s screwed up. How can he be sweet one second and then so cold?
I sigh, and my breath is visible coming out of my mouth. It’s getting really chilly. Maybe leaving the bar wasn’t my brightest idea, but anything was better than standing there holding it all in. I try to call Dani again, but there’s no answer. The tree behind me feels hard against my back, so I move away from it. And then I hear him.
“Raquel!”
Startled, I glance up the street and see Ares walking quickly toward me. His concern is evident on his face, but at this point I don’t want to care. I’d like to say I feel nothing when I see him, but I do.
When he reaches me, he wraps me in a tight hug. “I thought I wouldn’t find you.”
I stand still without raising my arms to return his embrace. He pulls away from me and takes my face in both hands.
“Are you all right?”
I don’t say anything, and I just take his hands off my face. He looks hurt, but he lets me. “You’re really upset, aren’t you?”
“No. I’m disappointed.” The coldness in my own voice surprises us both.
“I . . .” He scratches the back of his head, messing up his black hair. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay.”
He frowns. “Okay? Raquel, talk to me, I know you have a million things to say.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Not really.”
“You’re lying, come on, insult me, shout at me, but don’t be silent. Your silence is . . . agonizing.”
“What do you want me to say?”
He turns his back to me, holding his head as if he doesn’t know what to say. When he turns to me again, his voice is soft. “I’m really sorry.”
A sad smile forms on my mouth. “That’s not enough.”
“I know. I know it isn’t. Just . . . give me another chance.”
My sadness grows. “That’s what this has become, an endless cycle of opportunities. You hurt me, you apologize, and I come back to you like it’s nothing.”
“Raquel . . .”
“Maybe it’s my fault for having high expectations when it comes to you.”
A grimace of pain crosses his face. I turn around and start to walk away. I don’t know what I’m doing or where I’m going, but I need to get away from him.
“Raquel,” he calls me back. “Wait.” He grabs my arm, turning me toward him once more. “This is all new to me, and that’s not an excuse. I’ve never . . . tried anything serious with anyone before. I don’t know what to do. I know it seems obvious to a lot of people, but it’s not to me.”
I wiggle out of his grip. “It’s common sense, Ares. You have the highest IQ in the county, but you can’t figure out that it would be a bad idea to take me to a place where there are two girls you’ve fucked?”
“Two girls I’ve fucked?” He looks confused. “Oh, Natalie . . .”
He really didn’t remember?
“How do you know . . . ? Ah, shit, I forgot about that. It was a one-night thing, nothing important.”
“Of course.”
“What else did she tell you?”
I lift my chin. “She also told me that you used to make fun of me with your friends . . . about my crush on you.”