My Girls, this is a letter I don’t want to write; in fact, I hate writing all letters, as you know, and I ain’t too keen on receiving them, neither. But such is my love for you all I will give it my best. First thing to say, that Dr Levington is a born idiot! I need to put that in writing so that when I might find these sheets of paper tucked away in my bedside drawer as I wait for me telegram from our trusty monarch, I can rightfully say, ‘I told you so!’ But that aside, Levington reckons me old ticker is on the blink. I did suggest a good old squirt of WD40, as in my experience it fixes most things, but he looked at me like I was the idiot, if you can believe that!
Heather shook her head and took a moment, as if to let a chirp of happiness form in her breast. Ruby let out a half-laugh and Merrin joined her. It was some skill that Ben had: the ability to make them laugh in this, the saddest of moments, to raise their spirits and offer some small relief when they needed it the most.
All joking aside. What will be will be, my loves. I been doing a lot of thinking recently and I know I would be hard pushed to say which was the prettiest sunset I’ve ever seen, the best day of fishing, the best roast potato or the sweetest pint in the pub – all of these things I love! But I can, without a moment of hesitation, tell you when I am the happiest: and it’s when I am sat at our little table with a fire in the grate and your three faces in front of me.
Merrin looked towards the table and saw her dad sitting there, smiling at them all. Her loss spilt from her – a pure and all-consuming thing that left her feeling wretched. Ruby reached for her hand and they sat, hand in hand, while their mother continued to read aloud.
Heather, my girl and my love, what did I do right to get you, eh? Something, that’s for sure. Marrying you has meant a blessed life and the truth is, if I lived from now until the end of time and told you every second of every day how much I loved you, it would still not come close to conveying just how much. But I do, Heather. I love you beyond words, beyond life and I always will. Thank you for loving me. It is surely the greatest gift you can bestow upon one another: to love and be loved.
Her voice caught and she coughed to clear her throat, speaking through her tears.
This, this was the glorious love that Merrin wanted to wait for. The words were honest and moving: he would love her beyond life . . . It was beautiful and he was right: to give and receive such love was the greatest gift.
Ruby Mae – my feisty little Ruby Mae. How I love you, my firstborn. You have been a bundle of delight since the moment you landed in our lives! You amaze me. You’re strong and sharp and I don’t think there is a situation in the whole world that can get you down for long. You have made me laugh on more days than you haven’t, and what a gift is that. Always there to keep an eye on your mum and sister – I know you are going to be the best mum to your little ’un. What a lucky little babby to choose you and that great lump Jarvis. He’s a good man; I love him like my own and I must admit I’ll rest a little easier knowing he’s holding your hand. I’ve left him Sally-Mae in my will so he can build up the business into the fleet he dreams of and do his best to keep the Kellows and the Cardys in fish for generations to come! And to you, Rubes, I leave the number two cottage, your home. Yours on paper now too. Official.
‘Oh, my God!’ Ruby’s hand flew over her mouth as she took great gulps of air to fuel her sob. ‘I can’t believe it!’
‘You deserve it, Ruby. Jarv, too. It’s wonderful.’ Merrin gripped her sister’s hand.
‘Thank you, Dad!’ Ruby sobbed.
Her mum smiled at Ruby, and Merry wondered what he might have to say to her and braced herself as Heather continued.
And Merrin Mercy, my littlest. I love you, Merry. I love you to the big old moon and back again. I’ll keep this short: I’ve left you the Old Boat Shed with planning permission to turn it into a house.’
The news was shocking and thrilling all at once and she gasped. ‘Really? Oh, Dad! I can’t believe it! Mum, I . . . I don’t know what to say!’
It was Ruby’s turn to squeeze her fingers. Heather looked lovingly at her daughters, unified in joy and sorrow, then she shook the paper and recommenced reading.
When you’re ready and you’ve done enough adventuring and figuring out, come home, Merrin. Come back to Port Charles, this little place where your spirit lingers even after you’ve driven off in Vera Wilma Brown. Walk the beach barefoot in all weathers, my little wanderin’ maid, and let yourself be. Be open to what is right in front of your very eyes and let yourself be happy.
Merrin smiled through her tears. I will, my daddy, I will . . .
That’s it, my girls. Look after each other. Hold each other close. Drink tea. Sit in the sunshine. Celebrate the good. Don’t dwell on the bad. Know that you girls made me a king. A bloody king! And Rubes, don’t punch anything, ever again.
Your dad. Your husband.
Ben Kellow. X
There was a moment of weighted silence during which Heather smiled in spite of herself, ignoring the tears that pooled in her eyes, just as Merrin and her sister did the same, snuffling and laughing and shaking their heads as if still not quite able to believe what they had been gifted. Their father’s words were like a soft, gentle broom, starting to sweep away the sadness of his loss, starting to help them heal.
‘Poor old Dr Levington!’ Heather tutted, wiping her nose on her handkerchief. ‘Your dad’s right, though: we can miss him, mourn him, but we mustn’t let guilt or bickering be his legacy. Do you understand me?’
Her words were pointed and firm as she looked between her daughters. Merrin nodded and felt Ruby do likewise.
‘Now.’ She sighed deeply, rubbing at the deep furrows etched across her brow, a reminder that she, like them, was still in the first stages of deep grief. ‘I want to go back to my bed.’ Heather stood slowly and walked to the door, then, gripping the frame, she turned to face her daughters. ‘Your dad isn’t the only one who loves you fiercely. I do too. My flesh and blood. My girls. I’m quite sure you’ve both got a lot to talk about.’ Her words were gently spoken, but felt very much like an instruction.
Merrin and Ruby stared at each other a little sheepishly and let go of each other’s hand. Her parents were right: they had to draw a roadmap of how to go forward without the bickering or negativity that had the power to slay the other’s confidence. The fact that it happened at all was as ridiculous as it was damaging.
‘Shall we go sit outside for a bit?’ Merrin asked tentatively, knowing the view and the fine sea air would be lost to her once she jumped on that train – that and it was easier to talk looking straight ahead.
Ruby nodded and they grabbed coats and hats from the rack by the front door and carried the thick blankets to place over their legs. They sat on the wide, low wall with the best view of the bay in the whole of Port Charles. Side by side, just as they had been doing since they were toddlers while their mum cut their hair or their dad stood alongside telling them tales of the big old ocean.
The golden winter sun loomed large in the morning sky, splintering the moody clouds with its rays as the white foam of the waves broke against the rocks along the foreshore. The two girls pulled their coats about their shoulders and Merrin wiggled her toes inside the knitted socks on her feet. The air was still and salty and even the gulls were subdued, as if acknowledging that life would never be the same again.